Defined (Treebros)

Twelve: Attract (Connor)

Attract: Cause (someone) to have a liking for or interest in something or someone.
- Oxford English Dictionary (Modified)

Cold air hit Connor's face as he drove back to Evan's house.

The pizza had caused the windows in the car to fog up, so he had opened the driver window.

He wished he had music. He didn't like listening to music when the windows were down, even if his window was only open slightly. Music helped him think and he had a lot of incoherent thoughts racing through his head.

Evan was often the subject of his contemplation. Connor tried to decipher this. What did it mean?

He ran his hand through his hair then propped his head in his left hand, his elbow resting against the window. It was all so complicated. He couldn't work out what this feeling was.

Fuck it, he thought. Connor needed music. He pulled over and unlocked his phone, putting his 'Contemplation' playlist on shuffle.

It comes and goes in waves
It always runs back, but it's never quite the same
Well I think there's something wrong with me
Got nothing to believe, can't you see it on my face?

He continued driving as he immersed himself in the music, preparing for the inevitable flood of thoughts that were bound to follow.

Zoe. Cynthia. Evan. Care. Butterflies. Crashing waves. Drowning. Doubt.

Zoe. His younger sister. They were often mistaken for twins as they were only 13 months apart. At the same time, some people had trouble believing they were related. They were so different. Or so everyone thought.

Cynthia. His biological mother. He had begged her for therapy for years; he needed help, and she knew it. However, she always refused.

Evan. Evan Hansen. Connor was still trying to work out why everything always came back to this boy Connor hadn't known for very long, but had already had a huge impact on his life.

Care. Butterflies. How these were connected, he had no clue.

Crashing waves. Drowning. These subject matters probably had something to do with the song playing whilst his thoughts ran wild.

When it pulls me under, will you make me stronger
Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water?
Take me farther, give me one day longer
Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water?

Doubt. He was struggling to connect this to everything.

Doubt that he was a good brother to Zoe?

Doubt that he was the son Cynthia wanted?

Doubt that he could ever be enough for Evan?

Connor's thoughts became tame as he pulled into the Hansen's driveway. It took him a second to realise there was another car there.

Perhaps Evan's mother was home? No, she wouldn't be back until 2 the next morning.

He got out the car, balancing the pizza and garlic bread in one hand as he shut the door.

Connor recognised the car. It looked like Cynthia's.

Upon further inspection, he discovered it was, in fact, his mother's car.