The Way She Loved Me

twelve

Dammit, my sister's in love. I cursed with worry circulating my thoughts. I noticed her face lit up with adoration towards Jisoo as she spoke.

I envied her. I envied how sure she was with the relationship she has with Jisoo. I envied how she never really cared what others might think of them. I envied her bravery and assurance. I envied her selflessness. I envied everything she can do for love that my coward self can't.

I was silent the whole time, processing all the emotions over me, "Anyways, I think it's too early to be all so dramatic, so let me go ahead and meet my girlfriend. Love you Jen! Bye!"Lisa enthusiastically interrupted my trance and dashed towards the door leaving me blankly staring at the floor.

I know I like Rosé. I like her so much I couldn't end a day without thinking about her. To me, she is the brightest star in the night sky. She is the only perfect thing I could say. She is mysterious, something I couldn't fathom right away. I like Rosé, but is that enough? Is this something I should fight for? Is this something worth it that I could risk changing my identity?

I don't think so. I thought stopping my feelings, again. I can't help myself for being so pessimistic these days. My anxiety just eats me everytime I think of my feelings, that's why I don't evaluate them that often, because I always end up hurting myself from my toxic thoughts.

Timingly, I heard a knock on the door. I quickly opened it without thinking.

I startled myself when I saw Rosé in front of me flashing her drop dead gorgeous smile. My doubts suddenly disappeared, and just like that my mood changed to a better and calmer one. And just like that she switches my whole system up as if I haven't been stressing all my feelings for her. I let her in and closed the door.

"Babe, guess what I have for you?" her face was so excited, and her smile was so radiating in my eyes, I couldn't help but smile too. "You have something for me?" I asked enthusiastically,

She then revealed the book that she was hiding from her back, "Tada! I bought you a Lang Leav classic!" She then grabbed my hands which was resting at the side, and she handed me the book.

"Aww Rosé! But you didn't have to!" I gratefully said while hugging the book, which was Lang Leav's Lullabies. I was so touched by her surprise. I told her for the past weeks that I really wanted to buy atleast one Lang Leav book, but I always end up forgetting about it every other day.

"Jjinja, komawoyo! (고마워)" I tried my best to speak it in the most korean way possible as I gave her a tight hug.

"It's good to know that you're listening to your teacher well." she jokingly said at the way I spoke Korean, I giggled at her reaction.

We let go of our hug, but still Rosé's hands were on my waist and mine were still wrapped around her nape.

We intently stared at each other for a moment, with infinitive smiles on our faces.

"Are you ready for Monday?" She suddenly asked. Now that I've thought of it, I rolled my eyes in distress. "Ugh, yes. School's on monday already. I don't think I'll ever be ready."

Don't get me wrong. I love going to school and studying but the fact that summer just ended swiftly gave me alot of sepanx. 

"Yah, what's with the long face? It's our first school year together, you should be excited!" She expressed as she was shaking me in her arms.

"Of course, I am excited. It's just that spending time with you won't be as often as before. Now that school is coming. I think I wanna drag you wherever I'll go in campus." I told her with a pout. "Aww, you really don't want to let go me huh?" She cutely asked. I nodded excessively.