endless

xxv.

I stand before you with shaking legs and my heartbeat sounding crystal clear in my ears,
I wanna break down but the mask I've sent so long building won't crumble
and even though you're selfish ways are hard to ignore,
the guilt I felt for you is no more,
only saddness lingers here now and forever it will stay heavy on my shoulders

I know I can't change the outcome of the past, 
and maybe I would if I could but I mostly don't want to -
do you ever wonder who you could have been if none of that had ever happened?
I know I do but I don't dwell on it -
why bother dwelling on it?

there is only a shell left now of who I used to be
and I'm okay with that -
are you okay with that?
you need to be okay with that

I'm sick of holding on when all I want to do is let go and forget -
please, let me forget