Fight or Flight?

Chapter 5

Roses Pov

As my time was nearing I was confined only to the house and gardens. Cal was mostly out knowing that the baby would be here soon trying to work on the business. He wants everything out of the way before the baby arrives. So he can be here for the delivery and spend some quality time with it. I doubt that happening.

Mother is mostly at home telling me what to do for when the baby arrives or anything in general like my diet, posture, and manners. Sometimes she will be attending tea parties and functions of some sort. With Cal or by herself going solo with a body guard and designated driver.

Most days I sit on the couch or I walk and sit in the garden. Just thinking about life in general and how peaceful it is with Cal and my mother not around. I mostly sit hidden in the rose garden. Surround by beauty and grace. Where bees come to collect nectar, where butterflies come to enlighten my spirit as they fly away freely. Freely. Like Jack. Like what I want to do. Like I want this child to do and be like. To experience everything that the world has to offer. Not to be trapped in a doomed marriage and lie. A lie that I told myself I could have. I could supply a life for Jacks child here with Cal. But I know that will never happen. Only if he loves me enough to let me stay. But the baby has no chance. No chance in this world. Jack had his chance and he took it. He took it without hesitation.

"Well ever since my folks died and I had no relatives in that part of the country. So I've lived on out of there and haven't been back since. Just call me a tumble wheat blowing in the wind"

"Why can't I be like you Jack? Just head out onto the horizon whenever I feel like it",

I remember me saying. Yeah. Why can't you Rose? Why couldn't you break free before this situation unfolded? When you tricked your mother and Cal into having his child! Cals child! That kid who will be more of a basterd than Jacks child or himself. That kid with those eyes that you can't stare at any longer than Cal himself. The exact replica of him trying to be him! Making me want to jump off and kill myself even more off Titanic. I can't stand to be in this position much longer.

I want to get out. Experience the world and break free like Jack did. He met some amazing people. Some amazing people that I've never had in my life other than himself and his unborn baby. I want to be happy like him. I want his child to especially be like him. Not some 'rich' girl that has no independence and can't stand up for herself. Scratch that!

I am independent. I am strong like Jack said I was. But my fire... My fire...

"Someday that fire is gonna burn out",

I remember him saying that. After all the people who have known me. He was the first one that picked it up and saw the real me. The one that fell in love with him and that side of him that made me fall him. That side that made different social attract and create this baby.

Whatever made Jack happy it made me happy. Except he's not here to show me. So I'll have to show him myself. The baby began kicking after its little nap it had resting her tired legs.

"Don't worry. We'll show him what we can do together. The both of us", I rubbed my bloated stomach that was a size of a big water melon at this point with not many weeks to go, "I think me and your daddy have already proven that". I laughed at my own joke to make me feel better. I then just sat still taking in the breeze as her kicking died down. As well as looking around in the finer things in life with mini bugs that you can see with your own eyes if you just concentrate. I smelt the closest rose to me as it gave me the most satisfying feeling as I inhaled the pollen. I exhaled letting the remaining pollen on the flower be taken by the breeze. As I opened my eyes to see it adventure into the next part of the garden that was neatly trimmed hedges. There on a white bench there I swear I saw..

"Jack?", I got up and half hid behind a bush in the entrance. Only to see nothing there.

"Miss Rose", I spun fast around thinking that Jack had moved or I was just hallucinating, "I'm sorry to have frightened you"

"No no. It's ok. But it did send my head into a spin. Oh ah", I sat down on my chair trying to focus on my breathing as well as help ease pain in my head.

"Would you like me to call Mr Hockley?", he offered.

"No no!", I stopped him, "I will do just as well as you here than with him", I rubbed my stomach and lower back as they began to throb as well as my head. But the baby kicked and it made me feel better. I won't let you down Jack. I won't fail you or our child.