Fight or Flight?

Chapter 2

Roses Pov

My mother was delighted that me and Cal were expecting. Cal just directly looked at me at what he had done and caused.

"The wedding will be pushed back until Rose has given birth. I will not marry her like this. It's improper and out of the question. I don't even remember the night that we had done it. But never the less. This child will mean the world to us", he knelt down beside me and took a hand of my slight bump that I was showing, "he will inherit the Hockley business and fortune", Cal smiled at me before kissing my hand like Jack did at the bottom of the grand stair case that night he came to dinner with us.

"Sorry. He?", I looked at him half confused about what was going on with so many people in my room.

"Why yes of course. Why wouldn't he be a boy. Unless, you wanted something else?", he left it hanging with a pleading look unable to say the word of the other gender that it could be, "like a little girl", he grunted and looked at me, "what do you want Rose?", his voice went higher to lighten the mood, "boy or girl. I'm interested to know", he raised his eyebrows at me trying to give me puppy eyes and a sweet look. Honestly I don't mind. It's not Cals anyway. As if he will care when it comes out. A boy he will keep. But a girl... She would be like me with him. Maybe even a tad luckier than me occasionally getting present and to spend time with him. But if it's Jacks girl, we would be thrown out on the streets. Disowned and shamed upon but young and free.

"Oh I don't really mind. As long as it's healthy. That's all I care about", I stroked the child that I loved. The child that only has me as a parent. The child that I hope someday will be very much like their father Jack.

"Well if you don't really care then. I want a boy. So let's aim for that first huh", he stood up smiling before walking out.

"But what if it's a girl", I spoke up out of turn, "what then?", Cal then immediately stopped and thought of his answer carefully not wanting to offend me.

"Then we will keep trying. She will be raised like you in the proper manner with a nurse to look after her. She will be raised well Rose. Have no doubt about that", he leaned down and kissed me on the lips, "you get some rest now", he walked out as the rest of everyone followed. Mother was the last one to leave giving me a kiss and stroking my hair.

"You better give him a boy Rose. Then it will all be over", she left me with the best words of encouragement that a new to be mother could ever get. Have a boy. Bear him a son. Then it will all be over. And you'll be stuck rotting in hell for the rest of your life watching your son grow up like a spoilt brat!

I cried. I wept for Jack to come back. I wept for him to come barging in taking me into his slim strong arms carrying me and our baby away. Away to the life we want to live. A life of freedom and choices that I've never had or will have soon, "oh Jack please help me. Please help us", I cried out to him. Hoping that he is watching me with his child growing in my belly day by day, "please forgive me. I've done something awful.  I've screwed up. I'm trapped Jack. Please tell me what to do. PLEASE! I...I can't.. I can't live without you", I stopped crying as I silently said thanks words with my hand pressed against where our baby was growing, "thank you. Thank you Jack. I'll take care of our child. I promise", I stopped crying. Knowing that I was loved by him. And that I have his promise to live up too with our child.

I laid in my queen size bed awake and alone with two heart beats in sync. Thoughts rushed through my head about what Cal said about the gender. I can't risk it being a boy. He will love him then treat it terribly knowing that he is Jacks son and not his. As for a girl he would quite possibly chuck her and me out on the streets. Still Jacks child but a worse outcome than a son. But if that was the only way of breaking free than so be it. A girl I wanted. A girl for me and Jack. My only chance and escape route out of this place alive. I know it might sound rash. But it's only way. Cal and mother won't let me leave. I can't run otherwise they'll find me. I can't be kept hidden by someone else. Getting thrown out is the only way. It might turn out ugly but so be it. I want it. I want Jack. I want to feel whatever he did in the world. That's how I fell in love with him. That taste at the steerage party. That is what I thrive off. That's what I'm thriving off to love now. Our memories. For me to share with our child. That no one else can take. No mother, no Lovejoy, no Cal.