'Beautiful Love' Series One-Shots

3 - Without You (Zayn)

3 - Without You (Zayn)

It had been a while since I had pretended everything was okay, I must confess. I had been quite gloomy these past months, after I had found out that Perrie cheated on me. It hit me hard. I am not going to lie about that. I know I am a man, and that men do not cry and all of that shit, but…I loved her so much, I still do. The fact that she thought it was necessary to go to someone else for comfort, for company, it hurts me. And not only my ego, but it stung pretty badly in my heart as well.

I know I may not be the best boyfriend out there. I am barely around and I am quite quiet, I am not up for a couple of things and it is difficult for me to say what I feel. Perrie and I, though, we have always had this chemistry about us. We always found a way to work it out, to keep it running. Maybe it was because she knew what I was going through. Who cares now? It is all ruined, destroyed, and to put it simple unfixable. At least that is what I think.  

The past couple of months have been pretty rough. Things have gone downhill deep enough for me not to even visit our pets and take them out for walks or just hang around them. It hurts every day, to be away from her. I thought I would get over it after a few drunken nights and through some graffiti to express my emotions. But none of that worked. So, instead, I started blocking her out completely, at the lack of a better ‘getting over her’ plan.

I had only sucked it up because Kaylie had come, but it killed me inside. I knew how long she had been planning this and after the, to put it simple, scam with Niall, well, she needed me there for her. I honestly had no idea Niall was seeing anyone. Of course, if I had known I would have told Kaylie. It had been a while since I had seen Niall, because of my problems and because he had his own to deal with.

Besides, when we are in breaks, we take a break from everything, including each other. There is only so much time you can spend with people.

So, with Kaylie breaking down over her failed love affair, I had to push aside my conflicts with Perrie. I missed her so much, though. I think that is the worst part. I still love her with all of my heart. All this time, she was the only thing occupying my mind. And I felt guilty over it, because Kaylie constantly came to me for support, and I was not there a hundred percent for her.

Luckily, things seemed to go pretty well for her at the moment. I had my doubts about whether she was truly happy with Tom, but I figured out it was time to step aside and let her make her own decisions. When she said she was coming to London, though, I got really happy. What she and Niall had back then was definitely something, even after we came back home Niall would not stop talking about her. So, I supposed he still fancied her. Going to his place and finding that blonde girl, though, it was a shocker.

I sigh deeply as I sit on the edge of my bed, lost in thought of everything we have to go through when we only want to have a good time while waiting for Kaylie to come and pick me up. I have no idea why, but Kaylie takes more time getting ready than she did two years ago. Apparently, her appearance is more important to her now. Well, at least that is what she told me before commanding me to go to my room to wait for her and literally slamming the door of her room on my face. Damn puberty. I know all about it for living with so many girls. They become unbearable to deal with. And you better not even mention a thing about it, unless you want that to be the last thing you say.

I tap my feet against the floor impatiently, while listening to some music to calm myself down –even if I know it will not work. We are going to Perrie’s place today –talk about awkwardness and nervousness. It is going to be a huge mess, I can just sense it.

Leaving that negative thought aside, Kaylie finally intervened, seeing things were not right between us two, and we are going to Perrie’s so I can talk with her. Well, Prada is dead, so I want to know more about that, obviously. It has been a while since I have not even went over to see our pets. It was just quite difficult for me to see her without wanting to kiss her. I will miss that kitty, though. She was so sweet and cute, always wanting to be petted. I can still remember how much fun we had together with her. We were so happy together. Together.