It Was Simply Sonder

Chapter 2 - the Best of It

My very first weekend in my new trailer was spent with no power or water. It was chilly but not quite freezing so I figured I could manage. I got the place cleaned up as well as I could. I hung sheets on the windows and to block the hallway so that all the heat would be trapped in the main room. I swept and mopped and worked myself into a frenzy. It didn't feel like home really, but it was at least acceptable to me at the time. Run down, falling apart, but acceptable.

The very next thing I did was tackle the cockroach infestation. Even in the cold weather they were scurrying out like tiny brown vultures in search of food. I applied roach bait behind and under the sink, in the cracks along the cabinets, and behind where my computer desk was. I'd be damned if I let those suckers multiply even more!

Mice were more easily managed, thankfully. My cat and dog were experts at catching them on day one. Either I would find dead mice or pieces of mice. I praised them, of course, and bought some de-wormer just to be safe.

Still, I could hear more mice scuttling about in the walls. There was little to do in a house with no utilities. My time was spent pondering life. Feeling sorry for myself. Wondering how I had fallen so far. I was still somewhat new to my job, though I was an aspiring pupil to my boss. The first week I was there she declared how proud of me she was. I was doing a great job. The task I was given at my job - a sewing factory - was one of the more complex tasks and I had gotten the hang of it already. By the time I'd moved I was performing as well as my co workers.

So why was I having such a hard time? I had a job I was good at, I had good attendance, it paid pretty well. The issue is it costs more to live on your own than people realize. I had rent to pay, had to pay to get my utilities turned on. Had to pay for food, transportation, to care for my animals. So after I moved in I had roughly fifty dollars to get me through the entirety of the week.

Of that fifty dollars, I only had thirty I could use because I owed a friend gas money for transporting me to and from work in the upcoming week. Know what that thirty dollars bought me? Bread and jelly and some $1 heat-and-eat meals that store on a shelf so that I could at least have hot food at work.

How depressing it was that I was so desperate as to accept this place as my new home. No refrigerator, no stove, no electricity or running water. Yet there I sat in my recliner with my dog and my cat curled up on my lap together snoring. I was alone. The house was quiet and I could hear the city all around me. Traffic from the main road. The neighbors' kids playing in the trailer park. Dogs barking from the street behind me. My house was quiet but I heard everything. I was surrounded by noise and life but I felt shut out and alone.

Monday I had my water turned on at lunch. Then, I left work early to have my electricity turned on. I explained the reason I had to leave. My boss accepted it. My friend picked me up and made sure I made it home for the utility man to check my water. I had a few dollars left so I bought some light bulbs for the house - really cheap ones from the dollar store. They were supposed to be energy efficient and last forever, so why not?

Sure enough we screwed them in and flicked the switches and warm yellow light flooded the rooms. Somehow, the presence of electricity  made the trailer seem more like home. The paneling was lit up to reflect the warm tone of the lighting and all of my things were arranged just so. It wasn't much, it really wasn't. Three SUVs could move it all in one trip. It had. However, it was mine, and I accepted it with bittersweet resolve as my friends left me there alone to face my Monday night.

I had a microwave, a single burner, a griddle that also worked as a grill, and a slow cooker. I would be just fine, once I got foodstamps and could funnel some food into the house. I could make this work to my advantage. I could! My pets were even happier. Able to roam freely and run and play throughout the house without me feeling like they were doing something wrong.

Then, why did I feel so put out?