Departure! [A Killugon Fanfiction]

Oops, I Did It Again

(Killua POV)

"Killua, wake up! I made breakfast!" I felt Gon's hand on my shoulder again. It was the 5th again. 

"Hey....Gon." I looked at him as if HE had grown antlers this time. I still was extremely confused why I was reliving today, but I was. 

"I made eggs benedict!" He smiled. In that split second, I realized how much I would miss that smile, at least when I get out of this day loop. 

"Sounds.. great! I'll be there in a few minutes, alright?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head and blushing. 

He looked at me as if he was Sherlock Holmes, trying to figure out what could be wrong with me. Nothing was. Except I just had seen his bright face to wake me up for three days now. 

"Are you okay?" He laughed. 

"Yea, I'm fine. Believe me. Why don't you... umm.... yea! Go ahead and put the eggs on plates so when Luka wakes up, she doesn't burn herself!"

"Okay, see you in a few!" He skipped out of the room happily. I knew I would miss giving him instructions and he would happily receive them an skip around doing said task. 

I looked around the room, making sure that I wasn't just dreaming. I lifted my arm up to pinch my wrist.. and felt it. I was conscious. I was just reliving this day for the third. 

I stood up, tames (somewhat) my mess of a hairstyle, and walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen. The scent of Gon's cooking flew into my nose by the first step. I didn't know that Gon could actually cook, to be perfectly honest, but I enjoyed not having to find something for Alluka. 

At that moment, Alluka emerged from her bedroom rubbing her eyes with sleep. She dragged her blanket behind her and slumped her back in a tired arch. "Hello, Big Brother. Hi Gon!" She moaned. "Something smells really good in here."

"Yea, I made eggs. You want yours now?" Gon smiled, finishing up by washing the dishes. 

"Sure. Thank youuuu Gon." She slumped into the chair beside me and leaned on my shoulder. "What are we doing today... big brother?"

"Well, we're accompanying Gon to the Great Tree so he can see his dad again." I muttered, sounding a little sadder than I wanted to. Gon deserved Ging. I didn't deserve Gon.

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower first. I'll be out in a second." Gon waved, skipping away from the kitchen counters and into the bathroom. 

I had saved everything awkward from happening. Allure's hand was fine, Gon wasn't weirded out.... but how could I forget my responsibilities and run after my beating heart? How could I abandon a person who had been abandoned so many times before and run after a person and stop their life from going forward!

I sat there, ate my eggs, and cried silently to myself, tears quietly trickling down from my cheeks on to the table. I couldn't let Alluka down, but I couldn't leave Gon. 

I'd have to choose. 

But I truly, honest to God, cannot. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One step. He turned around, his back facing me. It was happening again. I tried to lift my arm out, but my bold smile stopped it from budging. I forgot how happy Gon looked. He truly beamed. He beamed a smile I didn't deserve, or ever deserve to witness. 

Two steps. With each foot dropped, I felt myself stiffen. I was a frozen block with my only source of light slowly floating away from me. 

Three steps. I could reach out and grab him. It wasn't enough. He didn't deserve this. Alluka didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve....him.

Four steps.

Five steps.

The pause.

The turn.

"Kite said that no matter where we go, we'll always be friends! Right, Killua?" Gon ticked his head to the side and smiled like nothing had happened. Like we were just acquaintances.

My bold smile held back my tears, but I squeezed Alluka's hand tight enough to possible cut off circulation. I was..

I was...

I was letting Gon go. 

Gon didn't notice my clenched hand at all. His eyes were locked with mine. His eyes didn't avert to the shaking arm, the beads of sweat trailing down my neck. They were locked in, straight ahead.

But with that, Gon turned around. His shadow casting a mark on my broken body.

And I...

I turned around.... started to walk away in the opposite direction.

"Big Brother! Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because he doesn't deserve his life taken away because my heart is beating faster than normal." I replied, eying the wall in front of me as if in a staring contest. 

"Listen, I know you're in love with him. I read about love in my storybooks you bought me. You should go get him. You don't have to stop him, we can just wait and travel with him!"

"But.. he needs his dad." I smiled. "He needs his dad more then he needs me."