Unforgivable

Chapter 1: New Beginning, Different Me

With the help of sedatives, it had taken 2 hours to calm me down and assure me that Ian was not someone for me to fear but despite that, I had still been a bit wary and scare of him the first few days which, now that I think about it, makes me feel utterly stupid and ridiculous. Even though he was as big as a bear and looked just as fierce, Ian was just a big pussy cat.

Yeah, just like a lion. Fierce and deadly, but still a big pussy at heart.

Well, at least towards his family.

And he looked like a lion too, with his blond hair and eyes that gleamed like gold (Seth was clearly his son). He was also super scary when he was mad which thankfully, was not often. But boy, when I thought about how scary he looked when he was mad, no wonder I cried like a baby the first time I met him. Man do I never want to see him pissed off.

After that embarrassing first meeting, I stayed at the hospital for about 3 months and found out (much later that is), that Ian and Rosa had been taking court actions to officially became my guardians and adopted parents.

It was only after I was released from the hospital that they deemed to tell me they wanted me to be part of their family. And it was after the fact that they were already, officially by law, my temporary guardians.

As you can see, arrogance clearly ran in the family.

Putting one hand on the mirror, I leaned forward to look at myself more closely and watched myself bite my lips in a nervous reaction I was trying to (unsuccessfully) break. During these past two years that I had stayed with Ian, Rosa, and Seth, they had been helping me get better physically and emotionally. They taught me to be proud, to respect myself, and gave me self-esteem.

But most importantly, they taught me to love the person that I am.

Whoever my family were and whatever they have done to me and told me otherwise (even though I have absolutely no idea what they did or told me), if they were capable of inflicting those injuries to me, I was better off without them.

But sometimes I felt like I was missing something important. Like another half of me was gone and could never be replaced. It was during those times that I wished with all my heart to remember the past and I wanted to remember. Rosa had told me once, "The first step to moving on is forgiving them, Angel."

But I knew that I probably never could.

I just couldn't.

I can't forgive someone I couldn't remember and despite my name or what we concluded was my name, I was not sure I could forgive someone who had hurt me so much. I was a human with emotions.

But the wish to remember everything was not only because of what Rosa said but also because I had questions that only my memories can tell me. The most prominent question being why?

Why couldn't I remember anything?

Why did my parents or family or people hate me so much to drive me to death?

Why didn't they love me?

And why...

Why was I so afraid to remember?

Watching myself in the mirror, I saw my caramel eyes slightly become darker as a familiar sadness and pain consumed me before my anger quickly overrode those emotions.

Screw them!, I thought and angrily swiped away some tears of anger. Screw them all to hell and back! I didn't need them! I made a sound of disgust. Look at yourself! You're so pathetic! Crying over people who hates your guts. Slamming my hairbrush down on the counter, I quickly left the en suite bathroom that I share with Seth and stomped downstairs.