Drowning My Demons

20 - Go To Hell For Heaven's Sake

    He hadn’t called, hadn’t texted, and had made no effort to call me since the night he spent the night.  At first, I thought I was going to cry, and my heart was going to break, but after a few hours of contemplating what I was going to do, I realized that it wasn’t worth my time.  He didn’t want to leave me, I saw straight through that.  I knew without a doubt that Oliver Sykes was completely head over heels for me, whether it sounded crazy or not.  I had seen it in his eyes that night two weeks ago, but even so, if he came back at all I was going to tell him to take a hike.  He had growing up to do before I would ever let him back in my life again.  I was stronger than that now, part because of him and part because I knew myself better.  I wasn’t scared anymore of what people thought of me, working for a really great set of people helped with those dark thoughts. 

    At this point, I felt invincible. 

    For the love of God, I bit my tongue, and told him nothing; it was almost like I’d bitten off and swallowed the speech enabler.  I convinced myself that moments like this were golden, times like these were the height of my life, and I wasn’t going to let someone like Oliver Sykes bring me down, especially when I knew how he cared for me.  Something had happened to him, probably due to drugs or alcohol, and I didn’t have time for that.  I was drawing again, sketching him out with wings, and making comic strips about whatever I wanted.  I was coming so close to achieving something of a dream.

    “Hey Marcus!” I called from across my living room, admiring my latest work which involved anime-like depictions of entertaining portions of my life.  This one just happened to show off Marcus telling me I needed to get laid, like that was something new.  Still I knew people would like it, would find it funny especially if it were in art form. 

    “What’s up Alice?” he stated, popping his head out from the kitchen.

    “Come look at this, tell me what you think.”

    I held it up, standing so that I could walk to where he was leaned against the doorway.  He smiled when he looked at it, laughing his heart out when he read through the whole thing before he clapped his hand on my shoulder, and kissed my forehead with tear filled eyes. 

    “You’re something else sweetheart,” he uttered, “I’m sorry that asshole-”

    “It’s okay that he’s too screwed up.  I can’t save him.  I finally realized that, and no matter how much I know I like this guy, I can’t help him.  He’s gotta do it.”

    My brother sighed, placing a hand on his hip.  He was hanging out at my apartment, hovering like a concerned parent while I seemed to stave off the grieving process.  Marcus called me unnatural for a few days, then took to saying it was a good thing.  I guess it was better than me sniveling the way I had when Andrew had left me or even when the Red Queen had cut me.

    “You’re something else you know.”

    “Doesn’t mean I’m not angry with him, just nothing I can do.”  He smiled.

    “I know sweetie, I know.” 

    I grinned back, taking the piece of artwork back to my station, setting it on the desk.  When I turned to Marcus, he was beaming.  I knew what he was thinking; this was the first time I was thinking positively since my accident.  It was hard to believe that I’d been an optimist before that girl tried to kill me; years later, I’d finally taken my gumption back from her.  I was full of moxie, character and hope.  No one was going to take that away from me ever again because this was my life, and I had to live it.

    “You’re different,” Marcus remarked, and I only smiled, shrugging as I walked towards one of the seats.  I sat down on the couch, still feeling tickled that I was feeling so good about the whole mess.  I wasn’t sure why I was so carefree when I should probably be irrationally pissed at Oli, but I figured what was meant to be would be.  I had tried for so long to control things, to hold onto fate as it were, but I couldn’t do much to change it.  I slept with the guy, that was my choice, and I couldn’t hold it to him to stick around.