Changing Fate

Prologue

Walang tigil ang paghampas ng malakas na hangin saaking katawan, kasabay nito ang walang tigil na pagtulo ng mainit na luha mula saaking mga mata.

I was standing on top of a building. Isang hakbang at makakamtan ko na ang pinakamimithi ko, ang tapusin ang aking paghihirap...to end my pathetic and pitiful life.

Sa harap ko ay ang isang napakagandang tanawin, ang papalubog na araw. Sabi nila ang sunset ay tanda ng pagtatapos. How  I wish my life can end this beautifully.

Hindi ko inakala na ganito matatapos ang buhay ko. I never expected I will end it myself and voluntarily.

I fought hard to live this long, sa pag-aakalang magiging ayos rin ang lahat. Na kapag nagpatuloy akong mabuhay, hindi magtatagal makakamtan ko rin ang gusto ko.

After all, sabi nga nila 'as long as you live, there is hope'. Hindi ko inakala na hindi pala applicable ang kasabihang yon sa buhay ko.  Twenty-five years of living and trying, but still nothing changed. Still, I was living in pain and despair.

As I closed my eyes, the twenty-five years of my life came flashing back before my eyes.

Unlike others who have a colorful life, mine was black and white. Ipinanganak ako mula sa isang marangyang pamilya. Everything I needed was given to me in a silver platter. But apart from this, I was a lonely child. Aside from material things, I had nothing...I had no one.

Mula pagkabata wala akong ginawa kundi sundin ang aking mga magulang. I am the epitome of an obedient child. I did everything they want just to get their attention and love.

I became the shadow of my older sister, Kassandra. My perfect sister who everyone loves and adore. The favorite and most loved daughter.

Binuhos ko ang buong buhay ko para sundan ang mga yapak niya. I became obsessed with her. Ginawa ko ang lahat para maabot at mapantayan siya. Akala ko kasi noon kapag ginaya ko siya mamahalin din ako ng lahat. How wrong I was.

I wasted my childhood trying to be like her. 

Looking back now, I realized I wasted my life for nothing. Dahil hanggang sa huli wala parin akong halaga sa kanilang lahat.

Napangiti ako ng mapait, I wish I had lived my life differently.

Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang mangyayari sana pala ginawa ko nalang lahat ng gusto ko.

I wish I had lived my life the way I wanted, I wish I had done the things that I enjoyed doing instead of what my parents want.

Sana nabuhay nalang ako para sa sarili ko. Instead of pining for the love of my parents, sana minahal ko nalang ang sarili ko.

But above all those, I wish I never met him.

James Alvarez, my first love.

Parang nagliwanag ang madilim kong mundo nang makilala ko siya. He was ate Kassandra's classmate.

It was love at first sight for me when I first saw him. Ginawa ko ang lahat para mapalapit kami sa isa't-isa at hindi naman ako nabigo.

It was my eighteenth birthday when I confessed my feelings for him. Napakasaya ko noon nang sabihin niyang mahal niya rin ako.

Because at last I had someone who loves me. At last I am not alone.

Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, ginawa ko ang lahat para hindi kami maghiwalay.

I was blinded by my love, at ginawa ko lahat ng gusto niya. Hindi ko napansin ang makahulugan nilang tinginan ni Ate Kassandra.

Pinilit niya akong magtrabaho sa team ni ate sa company ni daddy. Dahil doon lahat ng success na naibigay ko sa company napunta lahat sa pangalan ni ate. Lahat ng pinaghirapan ko napunta lahat sa kanya.

Because of that daddy decided to give the company to ate.

Nang makuha na nila ang gusto nila, James broke up with me. Doon ko na nalaman na ginamit lang niya ako para makuha ni ate ang company.

After we broke up I lived in misery. I wasted my life in clubs and getting wasted. I ruined my life and the sad thing was no one even cared.

Pakiramdam ko noon nawala ang lahat saakin. When the truth is, to begin with I had nothing.

Today I received their engagement invitation, and naturally I was so angry.

Matapos nila akong traydorin, nagawa pa nila akong padalhan ng invitation.

Galit na galit ako kay James, ate Kassandra at sa mga magulang ko.

Nang matanggap ko ang invitation, kaagad akong umuwi sa bahay para makausap ang mga magulang ko. 

They knew that James was my boyfriend, how could my parents give their consent to their engagement?

But instead of understanding and comforting me, they gave me a slap instead and reprimand me for being selfish. Binalaan pa nila ako na kapag gumawa ako ng gulo itatakwil nila ako.

Napangiti ako ng mapait. Kahit minsan ba tinuring nila akong pamilya? Bakit pakiramdam ko noon pa man wala na akong pamilya?

I lived my whole life doing everything they wanted me to do, but in the end it's still not enough. Hanggang sa huli hindi parin nila ako mabigyan ng katiting na atensyon at pagmamahal.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

I'm so tired now. Pagod na pagod na akong mamalimos ng pagmamahal sa kanilang lahat.

Maybe dying is better. Kung mabubuhay lang din ako ng miserable, mas mabuti pa sigurong hindi nalang ako mabuhay. I'd rather end this pitiful and miserable life.

While looking at the setting sun, I jumped off the building.

While I was falling, a lot of what if's came rushing through my mind.

If I chose a different path, will my life still end up like this?

Hindi siguro. Now that I think about it, I realized everything is my fault.

I chose the wrong choices in life and it is me who decided to live like this. So there's no one to blame for my misery but myself.

Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan humiling, na sana pwede kong ulitin ang buhay ko mula umpisa.

I wish I can relive my life, but this time I'll definitely live to the fullest and with no regrets.