Painful Reality (Magcon)// completed.

Chapter Eight

Addie's POV

Hayes. Hayes Grier. Famous viner; and brother of the very attractive Nash grier. is just like me.

"Hey. Uhm, can we not be awkward about knowing about each other? I really want to have a friend here that understands me." I ask sounding weak and scratchy from crying.

"Yeah, I'm here for you to talk. I know you're close to Matt but telling someone who has no idea what depression is like why your depressed is like.. like trying to teach a fan how to blow hot air. They understand the idea and try their hardest.. but it's just not the same, you know?"  I completely understand. We're so alike, I never expected someone so liked to feel so bad. His life seems perfect, his smile seems real! Then again.. I try to act as normal as possible. It's hard to let people in.

"Look Hayes, I'm here for you too. I already know about you, you know about me, and I know what you're going through. You don't have to keep it all bottled up anymore." It felt good to know Hayes was there for me and I was looking forward to being there for him too.

"Thanks Addie. Do you want to go to dinner with the guys? we don't have too, but they're offering." Shit. ok cannot gain any weight on this trip. I ran like 12 miles but I'm still 75 pounds, still more than McKenzi Mitchell.

"No.. you can go though. I uhh.. already ate." smooth addie. way to mess up your sentence!

"Look, Addie I know you didn't eat but I'll let it slide. I know what depression is like and I know how badly it makes you strive to reflect more of the definition of perfect. But "Perfect" doesn't exist. Beauty exists.. and beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. Tomorrow, no exceptions. You are going to eat." How did he see past me!

"woah.. You're good. But I'm getting better Hayes, it was that dead beat town I swear to God. Always bringing me down. But here I am. In LA! I'm going to be fine."

"Okay, well do you want me to stay with you?" He asks looking like he feels it's his requirement.

"I'll be fine Hayes, seriously. I'm okay, I'm stable."

"Alright Addie. I'm going to go find them then, I'll tell them you're tired from your run."

"Thanks Hayes, I owe you one."

"no you don't" he says as he's walking out the door.

dang that kid was something.

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*in the hotel room*

I get back to the room and decide to unpack considering I still haven't done that. I take out all my folded clothes and put pants in one droir, Shirts in another, and socks/underwear in the last. Then I take out my shoes and throw them in side the closet. all I have left are my toiletries, Clurling Iron,  straightener, phone, and wallet. I quickly throw my toiletries and straightener/curling iron into the bathroom and my wallet in one of the droors.

I might as well check my phone considering that's something I haven't done in a while. What first? maybe I'll check the hot or not page to see any comments people added on me.

"Awhh McKenzi is so pretty!" -@BeccaBrown

of course, they're best friends. and Becca is just as pretty as Kenzi.

"I'd made it a -15. " -@ConnorK1ng

He hates me. no surprise at that comment.

"Wow, maybe this will make her attempt again! Nice job guy's! keep the hate coming!" -@TheSchoolAnon

This hurt. this actually hurt a lot. Bringing up my attempt in eighth grade, not cool. and anon hate? that's so fucking low. maybe Twitter will be nicer.

as I'm scrolling through my TL, tears in my eyes, I see a tweet from Matt.

@TheMattEsoinosa "wake up sleeping beauty! You're going to love LA more than you love sleeping on me!" pic.Twitter./hajshsbdjskwnsjdk

he's so cute! wait.. there's a tweet right under Matt's...

(Fake Twitter accounts.. sorry if they're yours!)

"@Magcult_princess1662: Whore, back off my man before I cut a bitch"

ouch. that one stung.

"@Matt_Espinoslay: kys(: ugly, worthless, pathetic bitch!(:"

Okay, the tears are back harder..

"@Tays_baes: She doesn't deserve Matt. She deseves to kill her self!(:"

maybe she's the only one who thinks that..

"@Magcon_bxtch(a/n: lol using my user I'm so funny) : die bxtch."

Okay so Tay's baes isn't the only one.

this hurts too bad to know what people think of me. I can feel it, the urges coming back, the need to feel the cool silver metal against my skin again. so why not? they want me to do worse, it's not like I'm hurting anyone other than myself.

I brought my art set luckily. I love to draw, I draw really good realist drawings that look like black and white photographs and  I always have my art set with me when I travel. The set includes twelve pencil sharpeners. I've always used the same one because it's extra sharp for a pencil that I lost years ago. quickly I pull out my sharpener and screwdriver and get to work. before  I know it the blade is out and I'm clutching it like it's my life.

"Do I really want to do this?" I ask myself in the mirror