Sincerely Zanobia [Book 1]

Chapter 15

Zanobia

That night I never met up with Surge... I truly don't care for him the same anymore. I realized that I'm not ready for love, and I explained that to him. He didn't take the news very well.. but I'm happy that I can finally say that I'm  moving forward.

I do miss him, it's crazy because we weren't even together that long. Some may say I should have given him a chance to prove himself. But I don't want too, until I've seen a change in his behavior he can save his excuses.

It's not ok for me to go back to him after that night.. but I'm moving past what happen. It's not fair for me to hold that over his head. Therefore I'm looking forward  to the future and what ever it holds.

I closed my book and smiled.. finally I've been able to write something so positive and full of happiness. I reached over and pulled Eliza back. She was leaning over the bed, sometimes she scares me. Now that she can sit up, she gets curious.

Last night she fell over, thankfully she was only on the floor. She cried and cried, but I think she was just startled.. I made sure she was sitting on a plush blanket.

"Eliza, your being a busy body"

She smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. She's growing so fast, next she'll be crawling then walking. I received my diploma in the mail a few weeks ago. I didn't wanna walk the stage, because my dad wouldn't be there.. no one would have been there.

I held onto her hand and kissed her cheek. I packed the rest of her things, Surge wanted to spend a few hours with her. I agreed because I trust him with her, plus I could use a few hours of sleep. The past few nights have been hell! She won't sleep throughout the night anymore.

"Are you ready to spend some time with daddy?"

She looked at me and blinked slowly then put the pacifier in her mouth. I playfully mugged her and closed the bag. Surge came into the room and picked her up off the floor. I looked up and passed him the bag, before making my way over to the bed.

Even though I'm not really fond of him right now. it's only right that I still allow him to be her father. He hasn't done anything to make me think otherwise. He loves her with all his heart and I respect that. Not many men will care for a child that's not his.

"Hey Zanobia.."

"Hello"

"C'mon, stop acting like that"

"Like what?"

"Like we aren't coo now.."

"Oh I'm sorry, was I suppose to jump in your arms and kiss your ass?"

"Your really bugging"

He grabbed the bag and started to leave, too bad. Sorry he won't get back into my heart that easy.. if it's meant to be it'll be. He turned around and mumbled. "I still love you"

I wanted to say it back, because I still do love him. But I can't take him back, just to continuously get accused of something ridiculous. I mumbled it back, and he heard me. He smiled and said goodbye.. just because I said I loved him back, doesn't change how I feel about him right now.

______

Kidd

June bug grabbed onto my shoulders, as he pulled himself up. He's been gaining his strength back and he seems to be getting better. I was helping him out of bed so he could eat breakfast.

He's still very quiet, putting his head down whenever people he doesn't know comes around. He gave my mom the silent treatment the first few days. Now he's slightly comfortable with her being around so often.

I helped him sit at the table before fixing his food. I made his favorite, pancakes topped with fresh strawberries. I'm not a good cook, but to accommodate him, I purchased a recipe book.

June bug likes certain things.. preferably sweet things. Imagine me in the kitchen baking cakes and cookies and cooking spaghetti, along with other things.

Just call me chef Kidd, I'm still not the best cook but I'm getting there. Practice makes perfect and trust me I've been doing a lot of practicing. Other than cooking and baking, I've been preparing June huge for when he meets Zanobia.

I've already thought about it and I think it's time they reunite. I hate having to see her, knowing that her dad is staying with me. But he was in no shape to see her, after a month here with me he's doing so much better.

"How do you feel today?"

The other night he kept telling me his stomach was bothering him.. probably from all the sugar he ate, yeah I let him eat all kind of sweets. I'm now learning that he cannot have a lot of junk, not only because it's not healthy but because he gets pretty hyper.

"Stomach.. is better"

"That's good, do you wanna see Nobia and the baby?"

I show him pictures, I'm not a weirdo.. but I did take some random pictures of her and Eliza. I wanted him to see what she looks like now. The pictures have definitely calmed him and made him happier.

He smiled and pulled the picture out of his pocket.. he placed his hand on it softly and nodded. I chuckled lightly and felt this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. I almost wanted to cry tears of... I don't know. It was just a happy feeling, that I felt.

This is different for me, I never cared for anyone besides my mother and grandmother. I've always felt that no one else cared for me. My brother is the prime example.. it's sad how much I care and want better him.

How can my brother look me in the eyes and tell me he hates me? I've never done anything to him but try to help him. The money, and respect I've gained in the streets didn't come over night. I worked hard for the little bit of shit I do have.

He's jealous of the things I have.. which is something I'll never understand. If I'm eating so is my brother, he made it clear he didn't want shit from me but for me to stay out of his life. I'll admit that shit broke me.. I felt like I had lost a part of myself.

Zaire and I use to be thick as thieves back when I was known as Salaam. Don't ask where my name came from because I don't know. I am fully black, I guess my mom wanted to be different. I told Zanobia we've never been close, but that's because I don't like bringing up our past.

I blinked my eyes and noticed that June bug had finished his food. I let my thoughts take over and I was in a daze. I took his dish and put it, in the dishwasher.

"What do you wanna do today?"

" I'd like.. to play Scrabble, please"

I went into the living room to set up the board game.. he's really good at that game. Not saying he wouldn't be because of his problems. But he makes big words when he can, he finds a way to make words I never thought to make during the game.

-

-

I fixed June bugs shirt, constantly telling him to calm down. I chuckled at his nervous but yet excited behavior. Tonight I was taking him to see Zanobia, I just hope she doesn't get mad that I knew where he was.

We were outside of my grandmother's house and honestly I was nervous too. I kept calm though.. this night is about the reuniting of a father and daughter. After five years, even if she hates me after this, I can live my life knowing I did a good thing.

We got out of the car and went up to the door and I unlocked it. I went inside with June bug close behind me. No one was in the living room so I went to the kitchen. Zanobia was singing and doing dishes..

"Zanobia"

"Ye-"

I watched the glass she was holding hit the floor, causing glass to shatter everywhere...