through the night | kth

❝december.❞

he was a father of three; a very good looking man with a deep soulful voice. he was kind, and generous too. he has a warming smile even though his gazes were piercing.

I could fall in love every time I see him. I know I shouldn't but as days passed by, my heart grew weak for him.

however, it was one sided love— depressingly my feeling was refused by his own, due to fear that he kept and his true love for his late wife.

I promised that it wasn't my fault for falling— being a teacher of his daughter was hard; she kept telling me about his stressful days alone, cooking, playing and working.

he needed a help and I honestly could give everything to him— I could stay by his side as we could build a family together. he needed love.

I wish I could pour it all out to him— but I just knew that I'd be ignored.

he didn't know that I could see the pain in his eyes that was twinkling for me to see.

“ms kim, are you okay?” asked the little girl I cherished the most, hanbyul. “oh? are you crying, ms kim?” she worriedly asked before she walked forward to wipe my tears.

she needed care from a mother, the love from a mother. he didn't see it, that I am willing to do anything just for his children. a mother.

I cupped her cheeks with my palm. “no, I was just yawning,” I answered while caressing her hair.

“ms kim, I have a ballet show tomorrow. I don't think my dad will come—” she did a little pout while blinking her eyes, “can you see me instead?”

how could I say no? I nodded my head, “of course I'll go.” I showed her my picky finger as I made an oath to come.

she grinned with her eyes slowly disappearing into a smile. then she gave me the warmest hug that anyone could ever give. “I love you, ms kim. if only you're my mother,” she  whispered.

after what had happened last few weeks in front of my house, taehyung and I grew distance. we did talk a little, but not as close as we were before.

I'd still spend my days with his children, but mostly without him. we travelled to the coast, took pictures and just played in the winter.

“what do you want for Christmas, hanbyul?” I asked her as we continued to roll the dough.

little hanbyul hummed playfully. “a mother!” she shouted out loud before a door suddenly opened. “will santa clause send you to be my mother?”

I looked at the person who was opening the door. he had his eyes fixed on us. i knew he hated it every time they talked about having a mother— having me as a mother.

“hanbyul–ah, santa clause will only give you toys. um, maybe a new barbie!” I suggested, trying to change the topic about mother.

she shook her head, “he's santa clause! why can't he give me something I want? I've been a really good girl, ms kim!” I caressed her hair and whispered that santa clause won't do that.

hanbyul did a little pout again. she stopped rolling the dough and stood up from her seat. “where are you going?” I asked her when she ran passed her father.