Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - F I V E

Ryan snorted, his eyes darkening in anger. "Yea, I'm sure he felt real sorry while he was busy fucking Amanda on his desk instead of coming home early to eat dinner with us."

"Ryan!" Anisha looked at him, shocked at his sudden outburst. This was his fucking problem. Ryan showed no concern for other people's feelings.

"What changed mom? You and dad have been acting differently since last night. I noticed it at dinner last night and then again today." Ryan offered his mother a small smirk. It was the only expression he offered. He seldom smiled. He seldom let people know how he was feeling. "So what did change? Did he tell you some more lies about how he's gonna change and how he loves you? Because we both know that's just a bunch of bullshit. Dad's never going to change. But you, you fucking believe him every time. God damn it, why can't you just fucking leave him already."

"Ryan, I...I" Because she didn't know how to leave. That's all it was.

"Are you really going to forgive him? Stop being a fucking idiot. I'm sick of this." He let out a deep sigh and ran a hand through his dark brown hair. "I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Dad doesn't love anyone but himself. He only cares about himself. He doesn't give a fuck about you. Why can't you fucking understand that?" He shook his hand, refusing to look at his mother. He hated looking into her broke eyes, her broken eyes filled with cracks of sorrow and remorse. "I wish you and him would just get a fucking divorce already."

Anisha knew better than anyone how easy it was to say that. It was so easy for her to say that she should've left, that she could've left. Even now, some days she would tell herself that she could've left.

But when she actually had to make the decision, everything was different. There was too much at stake.

"It isn't that easy. You don't get it, Ryan. It isn't that easy. It's never that easy. When I was supposed to leave, I didn't. I just couldn't. You don't get it but deciding whether or not I should leave was the hardest decision of my life." Anisha could still remember the way Ryan had stood in the doorway to her new apartment, teary blue eyes and begged for her to come back home. She could still remember the pain in his voice as he had stood there and screamed that he wanted his mother to come back home.

"When I actually had to make the decision, everything was different. Everything was a lot harder." She gently placed her hand on top of his.

Anisha paused, waiting for him to pull his hand away from her grasp. But instead, he gave her hand a small squeeze.

"I had to think about you and your sister. Everything was different Ryan. More than anything, your father and I wanted to give you and Mira a stable family. More than anything, I wanted to give you a family."

"I stayed. I'm not sure if it was the right decision." There was hint of regret in her voice.

Maybe if she had left, she could've fixed her broken heart. Maybe if she had left, she wouldn't be as shattered as she was now.

"Why don't you leave him now? Mom. Me and Mira are old enough. We, we get it. I get it." Ryan Hayes was sick of his parent's marriage.

Everything had come tumbling down the day he had walked into his father's office, only to find his father's hands on another woman.

"Ryan, just forgive your father." Her voice held a silent plea to it. She wanted to make things better.

Anisha always put others before her own happiness. Now, now she was concerned with how her leaving would affect her son.

Ryan needed his mother to scold him. He needed to be there for him. To give him advice, to offer him love.

He needed that from her.