The Devil's Trap

Chapter 33: Ghost of the Past

Walang ano mang lumabas na salita sa aking bibig. Kaya nagpatuloy lamang si Elyse. It seemed like she's been keeping these words since forever.

"It would be better if you're a selfish bitch, or a slut. Just so I can hate on you with ease. But you are not. As much as I hate to admit it, you are one of the rare people I know who genuinely cares for me. And that makes it harder for me."

She let out a short laugh, to lighten the air probably, o para itago ang pagbitak ng kanyang boses.

"I woke up. You weren't there. I never knew what happened, but yes, I was selfish. I believed the information fed on me even though I knew it was a lie. And I grabbed the chance to be with Landon while you were away."

Doon tuluyang nawala ang kanyang pekeng ngiti at hinayaan ang kanyang sarili na maramdaman ang totoong emosyon.

"But it was different than what I dreamed of. Maybe it's because of guilt, or maybe the fact that I've been pushing myself into someone I admired for so long knowing he didn't care about my existence at all."

There was a sad smile on her face.

"Because for every kiss, he was thinking of you. For every day I spend with him, I ended up crying myself to sleep. And then you you showed up and all the dreadful things I did to feed this hallucination of mine that Landon would someday fall for me came to me like a whiplash. You didn't deserve it."

"And to save face, I decided to leave. Umalis ako nang walang paalam dahil hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin na hindi kita kayang makita dahil nasasaktan ako."

"I didn't know how to tell you that for every time Landon ask about you, I break in half. How is Denise? It was always our topic, him asking if you're okay, or if you slept well.  It's like I was there beside him so he could look after you. And because I was crazily in love, I let him. Even though it was so painful I could feel my heart ripping."

Tumingin siya sa itaas upang pigilan ang pagbagsak ng kanyang luha.

"So yeah, to save myself from humiliation and self-torture I left you. I've done stupid things and it's enough shame to last me a lifetime."

Bumalik ang kanyang ngiti.

"At kahit na nahihirapan ako ngayong wala ka, I'm sure I can manage. So, see you around... Danny."

Kumaway siya at nagpaalam bago naka-ngiting bumalik sa kanyang mga kaibigan. Pinagmasdan ko siya. Si Elyse. Ang best friend ko. Pumatak ang aking luha ngunit hinayaan ko ito.

I just hope... I badly wish... that Elyse would be okay. Na darating ang araw na maghilom ang mga sugat at maaari na kaming bumalik sa pagiging mag-kaibigan. Back to those late night sleep overs, back to laughing our hearts out, the long talks, and the only light in the house was ours.

--

What Elyse had told me that afternoon was a silent request. Habang nakikita niya ako ay patuloy siyang masasaktan. Kaya ginawa ko ang lahat upang iwasan siya at hindi na dagdagan pa ang sakit na kanyang nararamdaman.

Noong araw na yon nasa coffee shop ako at nagtatrabaho. It was Saturday. It was one of those uneventful weekend. The business was slow. The air was calm. Pa-isa isa ang pasok ng customers. Makulimlim ang langit sa labas.

Nagpupunas ako ng table nang banggitin ni Miss Van ang pangalan ni Maureen, isa sa mga kasama kong nagta-trabaho sa shop.

"Can you get me the log book from last month from the filing cabinet?"

Miss Van was in front of her laptop, doing her usual managing duties. She always has this sophisticated calmness about her, as if she carefully chooses what things to dwell in, and nothing can bother her beyond those.