L E T T E R to the beloved /Jikook/ (On Hold)

Letter

Dear Jungkook,
I never thought I'd lower my dignity on your level to write a letter on the subject About how I feel of your leave. Letter is the only way to contact you now cause you cut of the other ways. I had a great life with sorrows and problems in it. Study and 'friends' had occupied me enough that I didn't try to have a boyfriend at the age of 14. When first Hoseok told me about you and you send me a friend request, I was shocked. Indeed you were handsome. But honestly what attracted me the most was you personality. Even when our exam was on I would go to Hoseok just to talk about you. He'd tell me more about you. It just helped me drown deeper in love. I didn't knew I was falling. This was all new to me. Soon vacation came I became free from studies and the other things. However as mom had office I could chat. We did too. The day when you confessed was the best day of my whole freaking life. You from USA and me from Korea; the distance didn't matter at all. You didn't know jealous was totally my type. I remember commenting on other boys photos. You hated it. Your threads on messages helped chuckle. I was jealous when girls tried to flirt with you in our huge group chat, or photos. Even though we had a relationship status hanging on top of our profiles. Soon your brothers came. You introduced me to them. I remember blushing on the word 'girlfriend'. Hoseok had a crush on your brother Taehyung. We teased his ass off. Gosh! But soon your ex came into picture. You deactivated your account told Hoseok to tell me you're sorry. I couldn't eat or sleep. I went on beach. Soon I revived a call from Hoseok saying it was your ex who hacked in. You were sorry. You wanted me to return. I did so. We were going well. You wanted to have video chat with me. I was afraid. What if you don't like me I declined. You were sad. You said you want me to meet your mom. Trust me I was excited also scared. You were 17 years old you could introduced me to your mom. I was scared I didn't told you the truth. But then after kissing emoji you calm down. You were about to come to Korea. I was waiting. I started dieting to lose my weight. But your father got into accident. You never came. I understood being a good girlfriend' to you. Your brother texted me one day that you were signing a production house. They gave value to privacy of yours so you can't keep contact with random people. I understood what he meant. If I love you I should let you go. You again texted me telling me he was just testing me if I love you enough. Glad I passed. It was high time. I told Hoseok about my parents. That poor boy cried hugging me. I couldn't show this side of me to you. I told him to tell you about me also that, I never thought I would trust anyone but I believe him. He'd never be like my dad. He told me you cried. The last thing I wanted. I'm sorry. Then the day came. The day of truth. You sat your dp with your ex.You texted me you were joining the production house, what your brother said was truth and left me with the massage "who cares about you?"

I know Jungkook no body does. They never did from the beginning. Not my dad, not the society, not you. I fell in love with you. The biggest mistake I did in my life. I deserve to suffer now. I guess every boy is like my dad. Ive Noway to connect you without letter. I feel pathetic as I am. I'm sorry for waisting your time. Your year. I should've known I don't deserve love. I don't deserve any good. Gosh stupid me thought I did. Because I'm just a second option. Man you don't know how much I didn't wanted to be tossed around just to make a path for others.

Be happy always
even when none is there I'll be,
Jimin