Winning War With Pain.

Silent Cries.

You see I met this man named Miko, when I was about 18 freshman in college.. stripping to pay my dues and tuition.. making sure I never have to call home for anything, I mean why take from the people that struggled for me to have better of everything? I was making sure I got it on my own, can't you tell? I just got to this bullshit ass school and I'm already hustling.

My money was coming in heavy... how did I get introduced to this life? That bitch CURIOSITY! Took over, why is shaking my ass on a pole in front of old men, white men, black men, kissing girls is something I do for money? What about the interview I never showed up at for the call center? The manager was still willing to work with my school schedule.. again I asked myself how come stripping is something I find to be okay?

I wasn't raised like this.. I never had my mom .. the days I did, I had to fight the bitch, I had to cry and hide my feelings, not even my dad acknowledged the seed he planted in the crack head that vomited daily from being sober to long.. In front of me and my brothers .. and I asked myself again why is this life I want to live? I can't answer myself.

I had my grandma who showed me better.. we had talks about sex, how to hustle, what to do if she's gone, how to let go in peace.. the lady that showed me how to be a woman would be so disappointed in me.. she worked hard for me to have better.. $6 a hour and little to no food stamps... she still made a way for me.
And here I am chasing my dreams at least that's what she thought, but really I'm doing the opposite.

Miko was the man I knew I shouldn't be with I knew I shouldn't love and care for this man but instead I went ahead and I neglected Josh. Josh? The dude that held me the nights I had to fight my mom, the dude that sheltered me when the lights would be off because grandma didn't get paid til that Monday, or the times I didn't have food and a plate was in front of me because of him. That's the Josh I neglected, for this son of a bitch Miko.

Miko pulled me to the top of the VIP section.. "It's something about the girl in the red.." he said to me when we went for breakfast the morning I left work... I meant the club.. because if I was working... I wouldn't be showing my prize possessions and I wouldn't be in this damn club! NO REALLY IM BREAKING SILENCE NOW!

Miko was a man in a suit, sold me all types of dreams, I was on my way to the beach with this man... when his wife kept calling over and over again. His wife? IKR, I couldn't believe it either. 7 months of dating and this is what this nigga hide from me? I saw the missed calls, I saw the text messages! And I'm like hell no..

Because what Miko doesn't know! Is that my Grandma married a man who kept her a secret and lived double lives! With a bitch he promised to make his wife... now we have Shirley at grandma's door ready to tell her everything she could no longer ignore.

"Baby I adore you.." and really she didn't know these are the things her husband would tell me when she was gone and I was home alone in my room with this man my grandma has married and I'm so afraid to tell her that this is happening to me, I know she would fall flat to her feet.

How come you want me? I'm only 16.. how come you play with her precious soul and her forever flowing love? Huh? How can you.. IM BREAKING MY SILENCE NOW! And again I tell you! "No" but "it's okay" you say... cause all you wanna do is get ya dick wet, pin me down and grunt over me you fuckn bastard!

"Miko you're married!!!!" 😭😭😩 I cried out loud... throwing his phone! He ran behind me and pulled my hair letting me know "Bitch you ain't going no where.." in my head I'm thinking.. this nigga ain't finna take it there.

"Why the hell you going through my phone? Tell me! You thought I had all this shit w no family to feed? Kids to provide? That's what's keeping me alive! I feel as if I'm drowning from the demons I buried alive they're pulling me from beneath and it almost feels as if they have both feet now! This crack, the pills the weed! I'm sorry baby, please forgive me?"