Tough Love

Chapter Sixty-Nine

“I don't know, Eli. What makes you ask that?”

“She's scared of the dark. I don't want her to be scared.”

“I think if she was scared, then you'd know. She's hooked up to so many machines and monitors that one of them would alert you if she was distressed. You know her better than anyone and I'd like to think you'd know if she was scared, even if she can't tell you herself. You need to get some rest, man. If you want to come into work with me, I'm leaving at half 6.”

“Ok. Night Ash, and thanks.”

“No worries. Night.”

Before I know it, it's time to wake up. I don't even remember falling asleep. I must have been really tired. I get ready to go with Ash and I'm ready at 6:07am. I decide to call the hospital while I'm waiting, just to check in. I get the nurse's station in the ICU; Nurse Mandy is still at the desk. I've got to know most of the nurses by their first names by now. I suppose it's not really normal for a SWAT Lieutenant to sit in one of the rooms for 3 days straight, stinking out the joint, in uniform as well.

Nurse Mandy assures me that everything is as I left it. Dani is exactly as she was when I left the night before. She tells me she'll get the doctor to call me if there's any change.

“Doctor Stone has just been in to check Dani's vitals because he's clocking off now. Doctor McGuire will call you if there's any change when he checks in later. Lieutenant? I'm glad you took a break. You've had all of us nurses worried. Dani is in good hands, so please, trust us to take care of her.”

“Yes ma'am. Thank you.”

By the time I finish my call, Ash is ready to go. He raises his eyebrows, “Everything ok? That was the hospital, right?”

“Yeah. No change.”

“At least Dani hasn't worsened. Come on, let's get out of here.”

The team looks shocked to see me when I step onto our floor. They all tell me they're pleased to see me and they ask about Dani. I just tell them the only thing I can, that there's no change and we're waiting. Thankfully, the Cap calls me, saving me from having to talk any more.

I take a glance at Dani's desk as I walk to the Cap's office. The stack of files that were placed on her desk the morning of the bomb scare have been removed and it seems like every trace of her coming back has been erased. I know work has to continue, and while she's not here someone has to take her work load, but it just hits me a little bit more than I expected. I quickly turn away from the desk and look at the opposite wall as I walk into the Cap's office.

I take a seat in front of the his desk and let out a deep breath.

“How you holding up, Eli?”

“I don't know how to answer that, sir.”

“I'm sure you're all over the place right now. I need to talk seriously with you. You up to it?”

“Yes sir. Go ahead.”

“First, I have to say that I am disappointed you didn't say anything to me about this, Eli. I really wish you'd have told me Dani was your CI. We could have given her protection...”

“I was protecting her, sir. If it would have been a normal day, she'd have been with me. Unfortunately, they used our job as a distraction. We knew the risks; she knew the risks. She didn't want anyone else in or near her apartment. I know I should have insisted, I know I failed her. I also know that I failed in my job and I broke protocol and I have to live with the consequences of that. I should have done a lot of things differently, but you don't know what I know about Dani. You don't know what would have happened if I'd have tried to make her do something she didn't want to do. Do I regret not trying? Sure, of course I do, but having her not hate me or scared of me was more important at the time. I apologize for not reading you in and not doing my job properly, but there were other factors that you don't know about...”