Him (Liam Payne Fan Fiction)

Chapter 7

“How?” He whispers again. Tears welled up in my eyes; I pulled my arm away and clenched my hands tightly together while looking away. What am I doing here with this boy? I promised myself I wouldn’t open myself up or grow close to anything or anyone. What can I even tell him? I can’t. I’ve never been so up and close to someone like this before especially talking about such personal stuff about myself. I hate me so I don’t want to talk about me. He has no idea. If he thought that was bad he should see the rest of my body. I let out a shaky breath.

“Why do you care?” I whispered with slight annoyance.

“You’re interesting, you’re exquisite, I want to understand and help...I just never met anyone, like you...” he responded, “you’re fierce but sweet and funny at the same time... I just want to figure you out and understand why...”

I shook my head, “I’m sorry,” I apologised.

He nodded his head in confirmation as he squinted over the water.

I sighed, “Liam...” I trailed off.

“No it’s fine I get it, it’s hard,” he said with a bit of hurt in his voice.

“Liam no, listen, to me,” I said turning to him.

He looks at me due to the urgency in my voice.

“You need to understand something,” I looked at him and took in a deep breath preparing myself for what I’m going to get myself into, “I fucking hate life, I hate it okay? It is a useless piece of crap, I- I am lost. I don’t know who I am,” my voice angrily spat. Tears began to form on the rim of my eyes, my voice quivered with more anger, “I’ve been pushed over too many times Liam. I am scarred for life. I don’t know you, I can’t just talk to you about everything, I don’t know who you are, how do I know if I can trust you, I’ve been hurt very badly in my life and because of that I’ve taught myself to push people away, if I open myself to you and get hurt again I don’t know what I’d do, I can’t go through that pain again I just can’t, okay?” I paused, “I’m scared, it just hurts...too much,” I looked away as my throat began to tighten and it was hard for me to swallow. A tear splattered onto a visible and fresh scar. I faced away from him while I dug my nails into my skin but it wasn’t working this time, I could feel the pain hurting inside, it was worse than ever. I don’t want to feel this; I don’t deserve to feel like this.

“Why did you ask me, why do you fucking care?” I asked with anger, “Huh?” I asked again waiting for an answer. “Did you purposely want to piss me off, to make me feel this way?” I said with venom smearing across my tongue. He never answered. “Well do you?!” I screamed.

He didn’t even flinch. He just watched my tears splatter across my cheek. I turned away, watching the dying sun, like everyone and everything else.

After a mere of silence he spoke, “I’m sorry... your right, we only met I didn’t mean too, I was just curious,” he whispered.

 “What don’t you have another girl you can bug?” I asked.

“No, you’re different to everyone else, and I like it,” he mumbled.

I let out a big sigh. I was exhausted.

“Anne...” He whispered. I didn’t respond. “Anne, look at me,” He repeated. But I didn’t listen. Finally he grabbed my cheek and delicately turned it towards him so I was looking at him. He watched me silently and sighed. He then began to wipe my stained cheeks.

“I’m just so tired Liam,” my voice broke.

“Anne... I know, I know you are and look, I know I don’t know you very well and this might be weird but you need someone,” he pursed his lips, “you need someone to look after you so you have a friend.”

“I don’t need a baby sitter,” I mumbled through his hands.

“No I’m saying that you need to stop blaming yourself, you need someone to tell you what a beautiful, caring and amazing girl you are.”

“But you don’t even know me Liam?”

“See, you find any excuse you can dig, to blame yourself and convince yourself you’re not good enough,” he said, “I think I know you enough to say and think that.”

He waited for a response but I sat there silent and shocked at his words. “You’ve lost yourself, you’ve been hurt and it’s not fair,” he brushed a strand of loose hair behind my ear, “I know were still strangers and I don’t know much about you and your life but I hope I can understand you soon and help you. But I also know enough when someone desperately needs somebody. I understand if you don’t trust me now but I really hope that won’t be the case soon.”

He let go of my face and leant back on the buggy, sighing. I watched him as he started to play with the grass again.

“Liam I’m really s-”

“No,” he cut me off, “you’re not sorry because you don’t have to be, I get it I’ve been in your state before.”

“You have?”

“Oh yeah, worse, it was more of a case of violence.”

I flinched. Violence...I hated that word

“So can I see you again?” He asked.

I pursed my lips in thought. I didn’t know what to say. I watched him for a couple of seconds and sighed deeply. I finally decided to reach for his hand and entwine my small fingers through his beautiful smooth long ones. He looked up in surprise while I just tightened my grip. He squeezed back like he was reassuring me that he was holding on and not letting go. For once I felt like someone actually was there for me and I smiled a half smile.