Those Who Fall

Avan pulls me away from him, letting my eyes rest in his. "Of course you can't," he says with caution, then places a small kiss on my forehead. I see the sparkle of tears in his eyes as he rips away, leaving me for the last time.

A hollowness fills my chest with longing. Avan had been my friend for years, the kind that you spend cool summer nights with and tell secrets to. The one that I always trusted. Gemini was convinced that him and I were meant to be- so be it I had a crush on him it didn't make a difference. No one loves an IPC kid.

Now does it occur to me that maybe he was always afraid of an IPC kid never loving him.

"Well," Jensen says from beside me, his voice airy and filled with shock. "I think that's the best parting gift you've gotten, huh?"

I don't respond, just touch the piece of my cheek that feels warm from his lips. He'll never see me again. At least, not alive. Maybe he'll come into my house late at night, the way he always used to, but for once I won't be asleep. I'll be dead this time, and maybe he'll just cradle me to him as the girl who he wanted so badly to love slipped away before she could.

No, it's foolish. But somehow it makes me feel better- always picturing someone I love with me does. My father, straitening my clothes in my casket. My mother by my bedside when dawn breaks, stroking back my hair and kissing my cheeks like she used to do when I was having a bad dream. My eldest brother, Cass, talking to me as if I was still there. But in my thoughts, they are never broken, but instead smiling with sadness in their eyes. They've known about this for sixteen years from the moment the doctor told them that their twins had been elected.

Before the Lottery, the world was overpopulated, littered with slums and dirty children. There was no food- the small rations that were handed out left people starving. Something had to be done- and that's where the International Population Control stepped in.

The Lottery was the fact that two children born in every hospital were to be chosen every day to die. The thought didn't roll over well with the public, as it was equal to forced abortion, but they were soon to create a serum which lived in the children for sixteen years past their birthday. And on midnight of their birthday, that's it. Their life closes a book never to be opened again. Painless and silent, but a shockwave strong enough to push anyone close enough off their feet.

And lucky for the IPC, a twin boy and girl were born in a small hospital.

Maybe the pain isn't physical. Maybe the life just drains away in sleep, that it's nothing more than that. No, there has to be more. Even though time and warning there's the immediate pain in which no one can prepare for. For my parents. For my brother. For our friends. The people who got too close to us even though they tried not to.

A few more people pass by in blurs before my father and mother walk out from the door, arm in arm, and their faces long and tired. My mother kisses the top of my head, my father squeezing Jensen's shoulder. Both my parents look plain and simple, which spreads a smile on my face. My father is the senator- he has enough money to buy a new suite every day. Yet he doesn't try to make it seem that way.

"You guys did great," my mother says, a smile cracking on her lips. Jensen thanks her, but I stay silent. All I had to do was smile, pretend I didn't care. It didn't take any work except for the work of deceiving those around us. No tears, no fear.

While servants scramble to clean up a mess of the goodbye party, my mother helps me take off the elegant dress. The fabric chokes me, snagging against my skin and chipping at her nails, but she makes no sound. Just the simple patterns of her breathing, eyes sealing shut awkwardly as I change into nightclothes. The last clothes I will ever wear are comfortable as anything has ever been.