Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - T H R E E

Anisha paused, almost as though she was begging for herself to hold it together, just a little longer. A few more minutes. She played with the ends of her hair, twirling her hair around with her hands. Her hair was thin, frail and dull, just like the rest of her. 

"More than anything, the real reason why I stayed was...was because I thought we could make it work. I thought that maybe we could really fix our marriage. I guess, I wanted to prove that I could. To everyone around us, but mostly to myself. I wanted to prove that you still loved me and you always would." 

Anisha didn't look at him. Instead, she had a faraway look in her eyes. Her breathing was a little slow. It had been and still was her biggest fear, that he'd leave her, he'd find better and leave her. 

"I just wanted to prove to everyone, to my mother, to you and most of all, to myself, I wanted to prove that we had something that would last. I wanted something that would last. I wanted that with you. And that's what I've been set on trying to prove, on trying to make happen. By staying with you, I don't know. Maybe I was trying to convince everyone else or I was just trying to fool myself into believing me that you loved me and you always would. That we would work out." 

Anisha smiled faintly, closing her eyes as a somber but calm aurora surrounded her. It was the essence of a woman who had suffered, and cried, and begged her entire life. It was a woman who had finally given up. 

After everything life had thrown at her, Anisha Hayes had finally given up.

"I didn't want to be alone, that's all there was to it. I've been scared of ending up alone. But I've always been alone. I just wanted to be loved, I just wanted you to love me. You said you would. You promised you would. And look how that turned out. I'm all alone, alone and unloved." 

"But I give up. I gave up a long time ago. Our marriage fell apart years ago. Nothing could have saved it. I couldn't save it." A mundane shade of gray surrounded her, surrounded the silence around them.

"Anisha, I..." 

Anisha pressed her hand against her forehead. She ignored his begging pleas as he repeated her name, waiting for her to look at him. 

Her face felt hot. It felt warm, too warm. She pushed the hair out of her face, gathering it into a messy ponytail.

"I'm tired. I need to sleep." Anisha ran her hand alongside her jaw, feeling her warm face. 

A fever, that was certain. 

She wondered if she needed to see the doctor. Her appointment was still on Thursday but a fever could be risky. Her immune system was too weak, even to fight something simple as a small fever. 

"Fuck Anisha, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Andrew quickly stood up, pushing his chair away. It was the only thing he could say, the only thing he could think of. "Fuck, I'm sorry. For lying, for cheating. For being a shitty husband. For everything." 

Perhaps, it was the fear of losing her that was speaking. But he just couldn't stop rambling. He stood up, looking at her, only her, as she shook her head and took a step back, almost as if she wanted to be nowhere near him. 

"Anisha, I...I'm sorry, for breaking your heart." He whispered, softly with a hint of heartbreak. 

Regret was the only thing he felt. It was expected though, after the many mistakes he had made, guilt was the only thing left for him to feel.

"Anisha, please. I... I just, after Cassie died. I couldn't..." His eyes were filled with desperation. He was silently pleading with her, to stay, just a little longer.