Writing Help

Pacing - Question by KennethJMagee

Story is "Death Sentence"

My main concern is pacing.

The story picks up pace as it goes along but it is what I'd describe as a slow burner.

I want the story to run chronologically rather than include a series of chunky flashbacks but I use tiny flash-forward chapters to remind the reader of the plight Dave finds himself in.

I don't want to cut out large sections of the build-up to his Thailand adventure but I feel I could lose some readers by leaving the story as is.

WARNING. The story contains adult themes and graphic language.

REVIEW 

Well, most of the advice has been provided in the novel but for the benefits of others, here's a brief summary. 

This story is composed of short chapters based in the present (it starts in the present as well, with a protagonist condemned to the death sentence). 

The short chapters work very well. They are interspersed with chapters that show how the MC got to death row (in Thailand, not the US). Wonderfully atmospheric writing but there is a key issue which slows things down and that indeed is pacing. 

In our efforts to ensure that readers can follow the plot we often tend to overdescribe. Provide too much backstory. Often in flashbacks. This is not forbidden and can be very effective - but it's a fine balance. 

"Death Sentence", in the flashback chapters, develops rather slowly as the character tends to reflect on every single step. There are lots of encounters, different people, different settings. All very enjoyable to read. But very slow. 

The advice would be to speed this up, to really focus on the bits that drive the plot. What got the MC into a cell? A bit of padding to make it credible, then move on. 

Unless this were  a character study, which I believe it is not. It's an adventure, a thriller. Those tend to be action focussed (not introspective) and fast moving. 

By cutting quite a bit of the flab, this story will truly dazzle and shine!