Lost | √

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We both stare at each other for an elongated second trying to figure out what to say or if we should even speak at all. At the exact same moment we turn and continue down the sidewalk, heading in the same direction. I almost forgot our colleges are placed on campus right next to each other. In the past if we had classes at the same time we would walk together.

Those walks are a stark contrast to the walk happening now. Silence dangles in the air between us thickening by the passing seconds and mimicking the wind by wrapping against us. Chilling us. Choking us.

I want to speak. I have to speak. The walk isn't long ten minutes max. I don't know when I will see him again. If after this he will come from the other side of campus to avoid me. Avoid the friendship we built that all came tumbling down with a caught moment and a few ill-choice words.

I wet my wind-dried lips before starting. "I am so sorry Chase," I tell him hating the way my body tenses for his reaction, his words. Afraid they will hurt and push the dagger that's already in my heart a little deeper.

His body locks and his walk slows a bit. His head twists and his eyes lock on mine, the sadness filling them to the brim.

"Hayley—" he starts.

But I cut him off at the fact he is even acknowledging me. His singular word kicks me into overdrive and I feel the need to say everything in fear I won't get another chance again.

"No! I am seriously so sorry," I apologize again. "I didn't mean to hurt you or your family, and I certainly never intended to out you. Everything happened so fast and it just slipped out, but that doesn't excuse what I did. It was hurtful and disgusting and I hate myself for it. You have to know I would never consciously ever hurt you or anyone in your amazing family," I tell him in a rush as my pulse pounds from within me. "I love them," I admit vulnerably. And I do. I love his kind but stern mother. I love his teasing and warmhearted father. I even love Cale and Colt.

But I love Clayton in a way that has permanently been etched into my heart. He taught me so much more then he will ever know. Not only how to feel when for so long I craved the numbness, but also how to love. And not only him, but myself. My desire to live in this cold and detached world gradually turned into one where I wanted to mend the broken relationships around me. Step by step without even realizing it I wanted to become the person my father would be proud of, I wanted to feel everything in this world, I wanted to not be so adrift anymore.

"I can't act like you didn't hurt me Hayley," he confesses whilst dropping his head slightly so his gaze locks on the concrete below us. His words grate at my heart, but they also fill me with the smallest bit of ease that he's even speaking to me. "That you hooking up with my brother behind my back and outing me to him as well didn't put me in situations that hurt me," he says with a raspy sigh.

"Chase—" I begin, though I only get his name out before he cuts me off.

"But I am sorry for saying what I did to you that night," he finishes, and those words cause not only my heart to still but my feet as well. Chase catches that I've stopped moving and turns to face me. "I should've never called you a slut. That was uncalled for. And I definitely shouldn't have acted like you can't feel anything for someone," he apologizes as his eyes lift to meet mine.

His words wash through me and I realize in this moment how I much I needed his apology as well. I knew I had to own up to my actions, but I didn't know till now how much my heart needed for him to say he doesn't view me in the way that cut at my heart. "Thanks," I murmur not knowing how else to respond.

"Did you really love Clayton?" he asks suddenly. His question catches me completely off guard and I drop my gaze from his unable to look him in the eye and also feel what I feel for his brother.