the donut dialer [ongoing]

08: ❝i have the ears of a hawk.❞

❝i have the ears of a hawk.❞

lorelei┃parker

❁ ❁ ❁

april 9th, 3:27 p.m.
brrring brrring.

✆ call accepted ✆

"yo, it's the muffin man, how can i serve you today—?"

"your attempt to sound like a gangster is actually hilarious."

"why, thank you."

"it wasn't a compliment, sweet buns."

"you need to stop calling me that, or else i'm going to find out where you live and hit you with a burning hot loaf of bread. repeatedly."

"who's the stalker now? also, a burning hot loaf of bread sounds a bit harsh. where's your mercy?"

"i'm not a stalker! i'm threatening you to prove a point."

"yeah, 'cause that's normal."

"i'm just sayin', don't call me sweet buns. it makes it sound like i'm an obnoxious girlfriend."

"oh, so you want to be my girlfriend, eh?"

"i never said that, parker! you're twisting my words to your own advantage."

"i only speak the truth, sweet buns."

"why do you even call me sweet buns, anyways!? it's not even a normal endearment, it's just... sweet buns."

"well, the first time i called you, i said you had sweet buns because your daddy was a baker—"

"correction: prank-called. it was a horrific experience, i was mortified."

"you loved it. anyway, your last name is "sweet," so i figured it made sense. ha, the irony."

"i'd rather you call me peaches. sweet buns makes it seem like we're together."

"we're not?"

"no! we're not together!"

"... not yet, anyway."

"i heard that, parker! i hear everything. i have the ears of a hawk."

"..."

"why are you laughing?"

"because you're cute."

"what?"

"nothing!"

"wait, what did you just say? you can't leave me on edge like that, man, that's just cruel."

"ears like a hawk, huh?"

"oh—shut up!"

"you probably look like an angry dwarf right now."

"wha—dwarf? i'm not even going to try to understand how your mind works anymore. it runs in all sorts of places."

"you're giving up?"

"ha, i never give up. i'm simply saying that your attempts at flirting are weird and incomprehensible."

"listen to yourself. you're flirting with me too, don't deny it."

"i'm not! at least i don't prank call random numbers and tell him a crappy pick up line and count it as flirting!"

"gee, bad day today?"

"ugh. yeah, kind of. sorry, that went downhill really fast."

"don't worry about it. confide in me, peaches, and tell me all about your worries. i can be your therapist."

"ha! i'd like to live to see that day."

"shush. don't be a meanie or i just might hang up on you first."

"oh, jeez. gotcha. it's just... this guy has been getting on my nerves all week."

"oh. what's he doing?"

"he won't leave me alone, like, ever. it's really annoying, and i don't even know who he is! he always talks to me and just—ugh."

"erm, i guess he should leave you be, then?"

"i really wish he did. he's trying to get closer to me and it makes me really uncomfortable."

"you won't have to deal with him anymore. sorry."

*b e e p  b e e p *

✆ call disconnected ✆

➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽
"that went from really good to really bad."
➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽ ➽

➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯
"what the heck? what's got him so upset? i was only talking about derrick—oh."
➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯ ➯

[a/n]: how was your day? tomorrow finals start, and i'm going to die. help meh. well, i hope you enjoyed, at least~

~emma♡