i hate you » carl gallagher

twenty-two - grammy

"Noel," Daniella half yelled, standing straight up. "You have to stop being in denial. I know that you want to believe that this 'new Carl' is the same Carl that you grew up with. But, he went to juvie. He's changed... a lot." And with those last words, Daniella left my room, making sure to close my door on her way out.

I tried to push the thought in the back of my mind as changed into my comfy clothes, layed down on my bed, snuggling under the blankets, and closed my eyes.

•••

carl

flashback

After walking out of Patsy's, I headed down to the Alibi. Frank put me in a lot of deep shit and he's going to get me out of it.

Fuckin' Frank.

"Carl," I heard an all too familar voice call from behind me as I pulled my hood over my head and started walking a little faster. "Carl, wait!" Right as I went to turn the corner, a pair of hands grabbed my shoulders. 

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself.

"What was that," Dom asked as I turned to face her. "I know you heard me calling for you back there."

"Yeah, I did. I just don't want to see you, if that isn't already clear enough," I spat, turning and walking away again. However, she continued to follow me.

"Chill, okay. I just want to talk," she said. I didn't say another word, but that didn't stop her from talking. "I'm sorry about what I did. Kissing you and then talking shit about you. I'm really not like that, I don't know what got into me. Anyways, I just want you to forgive me."

"Nah, I'm good," I stated.

"Please, look I'm sorry for what I did to Ellie t-" I interrupted her.

"Don't fucking call her Ellie. That's not her name. It's Noel and you don't have the right to even mention her name. Not to me, not to your dad, not to anyone," I yelled.

"Seriously, Carl, chill. I'm trying to be a good person and apologize for the stupid shit I've done," she stated.

"I don't need your stupid apologies," I yelled again. After what she did, why wouldn't I be yelling at her?

"Okay, fine. Have a nice life Gallagher," she said, finally turning the corner and leaving me alone.

•••

noel

"Hey, El. Wake up," my mom said, lightly shaking me out of my sleep. "I hate to wake you, but we need to have a family meeting."

"About what," I asked, my voice raspy from just waking up.

"About grandma," she said, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear and leaving the room.

About grandma? What about her?

I quickly jumped out of my bed and tossed my hair into a messy bun. I rushed down the stairs to find everyone one sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast, waiting for me.

"Hey, sweetie. Come sit down please," my dad said, setting a plate of food down at an empty seat where I would be sitting.

I took a seat and started playing with my food. The tension was killing me.

"Can we please hurry and talk about whatever we need to talk about," I impatiently asked. "I have to be at school soon."

"Yes, we need to talk about Grammy," Daniella said. "She's sick. Very sick."

"What do you mean very sick? Like, she just needs help around the house sick or... h-hospital sick," I asked, my heart beginning to race.

"Hospital sick, El," my mom said.

"The doctors said that she doesn't have much longer to live," my dad said. I could hear the hurt in his voice and I could feel everyone's heart break at his words.

"H-How much longer, dad," I asked him, trying to keep calm.

"A month, maybe less," he answered.

"I don't get it. She's not that old, how could she be this sick," I asked, confused.

"All those goddamn cigarettes," Daniella mumbled, but loud enough so that everyone could her.

"Daniella," my dad started, but was quickly interrupted. 

"What, Darren? It's true. She's been chain smoking since she was 11 years old. El knows, I'm not going to lie about it," she spoke honestly.

"Honey," my dad said, ignoring Daniella and turning back to me. "We're going back to Florida for awhile. Aunt Les isn't helping her at all." My eyes grew wide and my heart began to race some more.

"Wh-How-How long," I asked. I love my grandma and I miss her more than anything. I would do anything to be with her right now, but there's so much going on...

"We don't know yet, but we'll be there for awhile," my mom told me. "We're going to enroll you in online schooling, so that we won't miss anything."

"Wait, why not put me in public school," I asked.

"The schools there are shitty," Daniella answered. "Trust me, you don't want to be apart of the shit that goes on in Florida public schools." (a/n: no offense to anyone who goes to a public school in florida, i'm sure this isn't true. i'm just making it up)

"When do we leave," I asked, trying my hardest not to burst out in tears infront of everyone.

"We leave next Monday," my mom told me, grabbing my hand from across the table.

"How much should I pack," I know that if we're going to Florida for awhile, I should probably pack everything that I own. I'm just asking because I don't know what else to say.

"Almost everything," Daniella said nonchalantly. I looked down at my plate of untouched food.

"You can stay home from school today, if you want to, sweetie," my dad said. "You'll be here alone, though. You're mom and I have work and Daniella has errands to run."

"Okay," was all I said before I got up and slowly walked to my room.