Changing | SM

Part 9: brian's house

Shawn:

I got to Brian's house after I snuck out of my window and drove to him. Luckily nobody saw me or heard me, but that's okay. Even if they did, I couldn't care less.

"Did you go to Adriana today?" He asked and I nodded, "She was very nice to me, even though I was so cruel to her." I said, brushing my hand through my hair as I shook my head. "How do you know her?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed together when he actually pronounced her name right. "We had class together last year. She's a really nice girl, she gets people, but yeah, she also has a side that doesn't get untold." He mentioned, immediately my interest in her got more than what it was before.
Even if I play her, I want to know what he's talking about.

"Interesting." I smirked, but he just sighed, shaking his head. "She changed you back then man. You're not the friend I knew." I hate it when he brings this up, because I know that I've changed ever since my last commitment, and Brian and I aren't friends at school but that's just because I don't want him to change.

Yes, I still have a heart.
I don't want him to get the reputation I have with the things I do, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let him turn like me. He needs to stay as far away as possible, especially at school, parties and any other occasions that involves girls, alcohol, smoking and anything having a bad influence on you.
I don't want him to become... well, me.

Back then I was another person and now, after a broken heart, shattered into pieces and stepped on by someone you gave your everything to... thanks to that, thanks to her, I changed.
And I try to let go of that time but I just simply can't get it out of my head.
"Yeah but let's just not mention that okay. Leave it." I crawled in bed, leaving the conversation with an attitude and just tried to fall asleep.

But everything around me and even my parents are pulling my attention only more away from sleep than normally. Everything is on my mind and now, I just can't focus on anything else.
But somehow when I'm with Adriana, things are different. I feel an excitement in me that's really rare, I feel calm in and environment I don't even know, I can think straight even though things are still crossing my mind.

Today I was better, all that till I got home. I can only pray for the best. That things will get better and times will change for the better. I wish that I can do some things in my life over but with the knowledge I have now. So I can know who will do what to me and when something bad will happen so that I can avoid it and still be the person I was.

But maybe this all happened for a reason, maybe I was meant to change for the bad so that I can once again see the love, light and effect that someone else has in my life.
To change me back to the way I was.

I just don't know who that is or when that person will come to me. But whenever it is, I hope it's soon because I'm falling deeper and deeper into this mess I am, each and every day. And with that, I'm breaking bad.