12 - Rowan

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"Explain this to me again."

Galan Ashryver's voice sounds as though he is pushing it out from between clenched teeth. 

I close my eyes and allow myself a single, deep breath. 

"Which part?"

I have been telling and retelling this story for the better part of an hour. Putting every, tiny, insignificant detail into words. All the while, trying desperately to not remember the choking sound of Aelin's body double's last breath. Forcing myself not to catch Aedion's eyes, for fear of seeing the same dead, horrified shock in them that I saw when he saw his 'cousin' die. 

"How about the part where you waltzed in here and stabbed Ce - Aelin through the heart. Walk us through that logic."

The red headed woman is snarling, her lips pulled back from her teeth in an almost Fae like expression. 

I grit my teeth, ready to start the explanation again, but to my surprise Lorcan speaks.

"How many times would you like him to say it girl?"

His voice is deadly calm, the kind of calm you find at the eye of a hurricane. The kind of calm that is somehow more threatening than chaos. I have seen men and women, warriors and knights, kings and warlords bow before that calm. 

"First of all," the girl - Ansel her name is - says "Fuck you. And second, he will say it as many times as it takes to convince me that this is not a bunch of absolute bullshit."

I think Lorcan is contemplating how best to tear Ansel's organs from her body, when Aedion speaks. His voice is low and rough, and I startle a bit at the sound of it. It's the first time he's spoken since I gutted the thing wearing my mate's face. 

"What's there to question, Ansel? If that thing had really been Aelin, then there would be a body, not a pile of grew ash. And do you think that if I had any doubt about Rowan's story, he would be sitting there?"

"How the hell should I know?" Ansel's words are biting and sharp. "I don't know what to believe. I came here because I owe Celaena Sardothien a debt. I don't even know you."

Aedion opens his mouth, to say what I'm not sure, but he is interrupted by the sound of Galan Ashryver's fists slamming onto the table before us. 

"What the hell does it matter?" his tone is seething. "What the hell does it matter if he's telling the truth, if he's lying, if he's out of his bloody mind, what does it matter?"

We all wait, the silence hanging heavy on the air.

Galan looks around, his eyes wide, as though he doesn't understand why we can't understand what's going through his head. Then he speaks, his voice slow, as though speaking to children.

"Regardless of why or how or what kind of magic was involved, we are still in the same position. We still need a queen. The army out there is waiting for Aelin Ashryver Galathynius to lead them. Without her, or even a semblance of her, we might as well all go home and wait for Erawan to kill us."

I dart a look at Aedion and Lysandra. They suddenly seem to be finding the table before them incredibly fascinating. A realization strikes me. 

"You didn't tell them."

The words are barely more than a breath from my lungs. 

Lysandra is the only one to meet my eyes. "No."

Galan looks between us, confusion colouring his round face. "What do you mean? What haven't we been told."

A tense silence falls. A silence laden with choices and consequences. Will we lose them if we tell the truth? Will we lose them if we don't? Whose trust do we betray? Whose secrets get told, whose get kept? The truth, or another lie?

I look to Aedion and Lysandra, as the people who have spent time with these tentative new allies. Only to find them staring back at me. Waiting for my cue, my decision.

I feel a confused sort of terror settle in my gut. I've been in bad situations before, and always worked my way out of them. But this is different. I'm not alone this time. This time to outcome will be determined by the actions of others, the decisions of others. This time I have to put all my cards on the table and hope, just hope, that it all works out. A thousand little pieces all have to come together, and I have control over none of them. 

I don't know how Aelin does it. 

No, that's a lie. I know how Aelin does it. She makes sure that everything is in place, she manipulates and threatens and bargains and sacrifices until every piece in the game is exactly where it needs to be. Until every piece has no choice but to fall into the correct place. 

At that thought, the thought of her planning and planning this moment, laying out the groundwork for her to disappear, makes my heart shudder. 

She is not here, and there's nothing I can do to change that at the moment. But I can do this. I can make sure that when I get her back, she has the army she needs. The support she needs to do what has to be done. 

So I decide, a little bit of the truth, a little bit of a lie. 

They can know that Lysandra is a shapeshifter, but not that she was already pretending to be Aelin when they got here. 

They can know that Maeve has Aelin, but not why. 

They can know some but not all. 

As it always is. 

As it always will be. 

Hey all!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry to all those who thought I would finally be resolving that last cliff hanger. Don't worry, its coming. 

Don't forget to vote and comment below!!



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