Bitter Sweet Melodies (girlxgirl)

Chapter 15

When she did not answer, I wondered if she was trying to keep me out and the thought annoyed me and triggered more questions.

“Answer me, Taylor. Is Henry a better father? A better husband?”

I wanted to see her face because her back was turned to me. I wanted to see what she was thinking and how she was feeling.

“We're going back to London.”

The statement shocked me.

“We're going to try and work on our marriage.”

At the words, I started laughing, but it was more of a painful cry rather than genuine humor. “Work on your marriage? How long did he stay here after he left the hospital? How long has he been gone? Has he given Angie a shred of attention since he got back from the hospital? Has he shown her that he can be a better father? Has he proven he can be a better husband to you?” I asked in anger.

Why should he get a second chance when he didn't care enough to stick around and make a difference? Why should he get to have this amazing people in his life, when all he continued to do was take them for granted?

“Jordan,” Taylor said.

“You know what? Just go. Leave and this time, don't ever come back,” I said, then turned to continue taking the pictures so that I could leave.

“Do you think it’s easy?” Taylor asked. “Do you think its easy putting Angie's happiness over my own?” she said.

I stopped taking the pictures and looked at her.

“He loves her and he tried to show it to her, in time he'll be better at it.”

“Better at loving Angie? He's had four years, Taylor. How can you be so naïve?”

“She needs him and I almost took him away from her.”

“The heart attack wasn't your fault. In case you haven't noticed, his job has a lot of stress, he's on the air more than he's on the ground, he doesn't do anything else but work, he's aging and he takes everything way too seriously. If he had a heart attack, trust me it wasn't you who caused it.”

“I triggered it.”

Infuriated by the fact that there was nothing I could do or say to change her mind, I said. “You know what? If you want to keep on blaming yourself to save a marriage neither one of you cares about, go ahead. I don't care anymore.”

I went to the closet and shot a few frames. When I was done, I walked back out and found Taylor still standing where I had left her.

“I need you to understand, Jay-Jay,” she said.

I watched her, painfully taking in how beautifully broken she was. I couldn't help wondering if I had played a bigger role in breaking her as Henry had. I took a step closer to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and somehow try and heal her, but how could I do that when I was equally as broken?

“Don't ask me to understand, Taylor. I don't have the strength to keep doing so anymore. If you want to go back to London, I won't stop you but I hope you go for the right reasons. Don't go because you think you can change the situation in your marriage, you've had four years and there is nothing either you or Henry could have done differently.”

I needed closure and if I couldn't have Taylor back, then I was going to end it the right way. “I love you, Taylor. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone else in my entire life, but if you get on that plane, this time you will lose me forever. I won't wait for you to come back. It'll be the death of Jay-Jay, the death of our love, the death of everything that is left between us. If you leave, this is the last of me you'll ever see.”

I could see by the expression across Taylor's face how brutal my words were, but I meant it. How long would I continue to punish myself for a mistake that I had made when I had thought I was doing the right thing by it? How long would I punish myself by standing by and watching as both Taylor and Angie suffered by the hands of a man who claimed to love them?

No, I couldn’t do it anymore. I loved Taylor. That was something that would never change. But I would move on. I would force myself to do so, even if it killed me.

*

Taylor’s POV

Taylor fell to her knees when Jordan left the penthouse. She released all the tears she had been holding back. Her heart was torn to pieces. She was on the verge of losing everything she cared for.

Henry was back in London waiting for her. He had not changed after the heart attack but Taylor wanted to believe that he could. He could try to change; maybe love her as a husband was supposed to love a wife. She'd never return his love because her heart belonged to Jordan. Even if she forced herself to, she knew she would fail.

Henry could love her, he could do anything, give up his wealth, give her everything he thought she needed, but it would never amount to the way Jordan loved her. It didn’t matter how hard he tried, he would never make her quite as happy, or as complete.

If he was going to work on their marriage, she needed to apply half the effort otherwise it would never work, but did she want to? Her heart was certainly not into it and her will was, well, there was none to speak of. So what was she doing? She couldn't force Henry to be a better father to Angie. She couldn’t train him into changing his behavior towards Angie. He was the only person who could do something about it and so far, there was nothing he had done differently.

But Jordan, she had loved Angie from the first moment they had met. She had cared for her, treasured her and most importantly, she had wanted her. What was best for Angie? Taylor asked herself. Jordan had once answered that question and it was the only answer that mattered.

God, what was she doing? What was she thinking? You will lose me forever. Jordan's words echoed in her mind. This is the last of me you'll ever see. They resounded like a dirge. I won't wait for you to come back. The words crushed her. If you get on that plane, it'll be the death of Jay-Jay, the death of our love, the death of everything that is left between us. The tears poured like a waterfall and they wouldn't stop.

The last time that kind of pain had gone through her was when she'd broken up with Jordan. She had spent five long years trying to forget her and ultimately, she had failed. You will lose me forever. This time, it would kill her.

**