Wake

Chapter 33

Cian

I was getting really tired of this—walking a line between conscious and unconscious, never really one and never really the other. My life at the moment was a few intermittent bursts of purity and clarity in what was otherwise terrifyingly blurry.

I didn't remember a thing, didn't know a thing, really, besides what Vinny had told me. I'd woken up in chains, shuddering, an empty spot in my chest were something had been. My link—my link was gone. I'd known it the second I'd came to, that dullness in every bit of me, an extinguished flame in my fingers. Dry ash. Nothing.

It was going to take a lot of getting used to.

I'd graduated from where I'd been restrained and now sat alone in the chapel, facing the altar. I'd chosen a pew near the back, where I could see the dark hall in my peripheral, hear the drifting voices of Caprice and Vinny outside. I wasn't sure where Lucie was; she and the other two new companions (neither of which I'd met, I didn't think) had disappeared a few minutes ago.

Distantly, there was the thunk of a shutting car trunk.

"Cian?"

I turned, my eyes meeting Lucie's. She stood at the edge of the pew, a ragged wool blanket tossed over one arm, a rueful grin at her mouth. God, how much I'd missed this, missed her, missed the little catch in my breath whenever I laid eyes on her. It was a little comforting, how no matter how wrecked the two of us were, the tug we felt towards each other was still intact.

"Hey, muffin," I said. My voice was hoarse, my throat aching. I didn't really remember screaming, but considering I'd screamed when my link had been put there, I must have.

She proffered her blanket. "Are you cold? You look cold."

"I am a little cold," I allowed, taking the blanket from her. I tossed it around my shoulders, eyeing Lucie as she came to sit beside me. She still moved a little warily, like I might snap at any point in time. I wasn't one hundred percent sure I wouldn't, either. "So, how does it feel to be one of those people they write books about? You know, the whole 'out of body experience' trope."

"Honestly," said Lucie, drawing her legs up and folding them underneath her, "liberating. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I don't want to be morbid, but being in that coma was kind of...hell. I knew I was slipping, but I had no control of myself. I couldn't wake up no matter how hard I tried."

My eyes fell towards the floor. "Yeah. Sounds kind of familiar."

Lucie let out a long exhale, leaning herself over the pew in front of us. Her hair, ethereal yet so real I could feel the curls' buoyancy without even touching them, spilled upon the wood underneath her. "But you don't remember anything," she observed, then hesitated, shifting her head a bit to look at me. "Do you?"

I shook my head. "Not really, no. But I think I knew something was wrong. Somehow. I just—I don't even want to think about it."

"What did Vinny tell you?"

"He said I became a demon," I answered, and shuddered just thinking about it. The very things I'd been taught to avoid at all costs, the very things that caused a lot of angels to become fallen when they became too wrapped up with them...I had been one of those. It still didn't make sense. "That I was emotionless and did whatever I wanted."

Lucie shivered and looked away.

I was afraid she'd do that.

I reached out, brushing her shoulder before I could stop myself. There was nothing underneath my palm, really, and she didn't turn. "Lucie," I begged, and the glance she gave me was pained. "What exactly did I do?"