Offstage || MJ

Offstage || Chapter 5

1986 – "Soul Train" (California)

CHARLENE

I flew right back and drowned myself with work on the set. After leaving New York, my mind quickly raced with other business and I fought to keep Jeffery or Michael away from these same thoughts. More than flustered, I'd even called Mom to vent in one way or another. Despite this growing fame, I'd turned away actual friendships with quite a few people. From musicians to the nearest bellhops.

If I didn't flirt with someone or seem outgoing at work, I closed up otherwise. Meanwhile, Mom herself had been my real confidant and best friend ever since Dad left the picture. She kissed the top of my head when I first boarded the plane toward California six years before. I'd adjusted ever since, visiting home whenever possible.

Now, I nodded my head to another round of pulsed music. Don Cornelius had just announced the "Soul Train" line. Despite best efforts from these wonderfully dancing fools, I never appeared on camera. Yet, the smiled on my lips hadn't faded. I mouthed lyrics to the designated record as usual and pointed to the camera monitor at times. Fellow employees shared my joyous feelings and giggled with me at the most high-spirited people. Any drama I encountered yesterday vanished as I watched everyone dance. My soul pieced back together. Honestly.

"As always in parting, we wish you love, peace, soul!" Cornelius ended the taping with his iconic farewell as usual. I cheered to myself and backed away from the monitor seconds later. Surrounding personnel met for last minute goodbyes and gradually dispersed with their equipment.

I waved farewell as expected, but headed toward my office with marching steps. Down this hallway, I'd almost reached the door itself when one of the other stagehands approached me. I glanced over my shoulder, but faked a smile. Just when my lips parted to greet her, my eyes almost zoomed in a gift bag she held in her hand.

"This is for you Charlene. Sorry, but I have no idea who it's from. Either way, enjoy the rest of your day." This employee handed the package before moving toward a different direction than myself. I smiled once more, but quickly narrowed my eyes instead. In the office, I'd already closed that door for the millionth time and sat down with this package in one hand. I'd leave soon, but not without realizing the motive behind this bag.

My attentive ears then heard muffled voices outside that door. I'd reached into the bag and found a card. Blue shaded the envelope. My name scribbled at the center in unfamiliar handwriting. Out of curiosity, I still ripped open the item. Yet, I wouldn't smile, almost weary. I wasn't necessarily panicking, though. When I finally opened the stationary paper, my eyes narrowed once more.

Charlene,

We've met before, but I would like to reintroduce myself. I'm Michael Jackson, but you can call me Michael or Mike. Yesterday, I was a complete jerk on set and wanted to sincerely apologize for my behavior. Your connection with Jeffery was none of my business at all. Can you forgive me? My ego has gotten in the way of many things sometime, including work. Please understand that I'm not a terrible person. I would love to speak with you again, whether face to face or on the phone. Whatever makes you comfortable. I'm just a normal man with God-given talent, not this presumably vain asshole.

Please reach out whenever you're free, girl.

Regards,

-Michael

I understood his apology, but couldn't allow myself to reach out just yet. Forgiveness wasn't exactly my strong suit, either. Without hesitation, that fight between Michael and Jeffery bothered me. I wasn't some prize to fight over. This was no cliché movie. In short, I didn't sign up for relationships. Now, I felt as if Michael just used me for dancing advice. We only exchanged names and glances during those "Thriller" auditions. All the while, I never even made the final cut, but Jackson wanted to speak with me three years later. Ridiculous.

On the other hand, Jeffery kept up wonderful conversations. The man didn't even stalk me during meals. We shared a mutual connection that didn't involve inhibition or pride. Just as we discussed plans to exchange numbers, Michael interrupted. Of course, the drama ensued yesterday. I rolled my eyes thinking of the childish games. I even started to blame myself for Jeffery's firing. My mind certainly prompted tricks.

Otherwise, I especially didn't want to confront Michael right now. My mind still clouded from jetlag and New York. Who could blame me? I just wanted to drink the nearest glass of wine and soak in a bath. I needed to leave this building and scooped up the keys to my Jeep before long. This "Soul Train" episode would air on its usual Saturday and I could pat myself on the back. No partying tonight.

I just wanted to be alone. Mom stood alone to take care of me. She divorced Pop and never remarried. She hadn't even date in years. No man was good enough. No other man could replace Dad, regardless of his foolishness later. She didn't know anyone better. Hell, I didn't know any better man growing up. Mom would never find another soulmate. She swore on everything good.

Sadly, I almost deserved to be alone. There was no other choice. My heart shattered too deeply from all these years of pain. I'd never believe in love again.

Thanks again, Pop.