Silver Death

Miscarriage Explanation

Apparently when I was casting Laura's hand they came down, and I missed them. A trained assassin missed a bunch of loud males. How out of practice am I? That and one of my lies got caught.

After the music is set to a timer so it plays in ten seconds we rush to our spots-all except Winter. "Why didn't you tell me the truth?"
"Dance first explanation later."
Glaring at me as he stands beside Natalia and we run through the program. "Now explain."
I gesture to the door "Okay, come on."
"No. Here."
"Winter I don't feel comfortable talking about this in front of your team."
"Well they can leave if they want too. But start explaining right now."
"Okay. Fine, the first time they tried breeding us it worked. They didn't realize that it stuck, and they sent us on a mission. You got injured and I attacked the person who hurt you, and then there was blood we assumed that I was cut, but once I was cleaned up they realized there was no wound. They did some blood work, and found out that I still had pregnancy hormones but they were already getting faint by the time we made it back to base. It killed me, and bothered you. They didn't bother us for just over a week. When they did come in they found me curled in your lap, with you rubbing my head with absolutely no expression on you face. I was barley Silver Death for months afterword. Only when they repeated the words. Even then I was iffy. They were planning on wiping me, until I found out and buried the feelings." While explaining why I didn't want to tell him about the miscarriage I had been looking down as if staring at the tutu of my dress when in reality I had my eyes shut to prevent tears from falling.

Feeling arms around my waist I know it's Winter, I wrap my arms around his neck, put my face to his chest and hold my breath . He knows that when I do this -hold my breath while holding to someone or something I trust them and is trying to hide from everyone else.

Feeling more arms around me I tense until I recognize the sent from the close proximity we have been in during the few practices we have had. Captain America is hugging me while I cry into his best friends chest. As more arms surround us I feel like I can cry and not be judged.

As our little hug thing breaks off  Winter and I stay standing holding each other. I can feel dampness on my head, where his face was leaning on. I don't think anyone else is left in the gym so I detach my arms and lean back to wipe his tears. He does the same for me, after whipping each others tears we mean our foreheads together and shut our eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."
"Sorry for making you tell me in front of everyone."
"You wanted information and you wanted it bad. I understand."

Standing in silence for a few moments longer we break apart. "I'm gonna go change. You should do the same Silv."
"Right. Thanks for the idea. See you in a bit."

Turning and going to the change room I sit for a minute after changing. Making sure my eyes aren't red I go back out and head to the file room hoping to avoid everyone for a while.

I sit in the file room for what feels like minutes but when I look at the clock it's been over an hour. My eyes are still red, I know this because of how itchy they are. I'm sitting on top of the table, with a file in my lap. My file.

"You know there's not much about your personality from when you were there."
"Well Falcon, we weren't supposed to show emotion. So how would I have a personality?"
"By acting different in some way. Say, protective. Bucky said that you always came back from missions bloodied if there were others going out with you."
"That's being a good soldier that's not a personality."
"Well I think it is a personality, I mean you were taken when you were 4. Went to Red Room at age 8. Went back to HYDRA at age 9. Where would you have gotten the protective instinct from?"
Thinking for a moment  "Winter. He always took care of me when I was small. Like age 4 to 7. By then I was used to being in HYDRA."
"So your personality is because of Bucky?"
"I am who I am because of HYDRA, because they made The Winter Soldier train me and break me. Not Winter, he would take care of me, wash my hands when they were covered in blood, or wash my face after a bad sparing session. Simple things."
"You get stranger the more I talk to you."
"Good."
"Good?"
"Yah. It makes me different. Memorable I suppose."
"Well you are memorable."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
"Depends on the person."
"How so?"
"Well for the names on the twenty-third page of your file your a bad memory, well were a bad memory. To us you are good memory."
"Well. I guess. But there have been some rough patches, like when I was yelling at Banner first day you all got here. He asked if your team could trust him. I snapped and started yelling."
"But you didn't mean too. That's what counts right?"
"I don't know Falcon. You tell me"

Sliding off of the table I set the file down open to the third last page, the page that describes how I acted while there. Leaving the file room I go to the nest to find it empty, Clint is probably playing with his kids. Well if he's not here I'm going to have myself a quick little nap.

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