People Problems

Change

People alter themselves.
They mold and shape,
into what they believe is a better fit.

At moments like these,
I relish in the thought that,
What if change were to never exist?

What if my beloved pal,
Never changed?
What if she were to remain the gal that I always knew.

Nowadays, change has been a detriment.
To my life, at the least.
Every confrontation seems to be a disease.

She wonders why I don't trust her,
Trust issues are the terminal illness of mine.
She wouldn't comprehend it.

Perhaps I am driven by selfishness.
Spiteful- that I've grown distant from her.
Her, the girl that I shared my heart and soul with.

I cannot blame her, she is but only human.
However, my patience is an hourglass half-empty.
Especially when dealing with ignorance and little integrity.

How does one not recall,
The plenty poisonous sentences they spew?
It seems only I do.

I gaze out of my window,
Dripping with raindrops.
And clouded with mist.

Replaying each argument,
Each misinterpretation, and each wound.
It seems I've torn open a stitch.

That is actually a normality,
I don't prefer to fix things.
If even repairable.

I just try to repaint,
only to see this paint fades quicker then I'd imagined.
I never knew something I loved, could become something so toxic.

My petulance is out of mere sadness.
When the negatives outweigh the positives,
I have lost a battle, I'd never even known I was fighting.

I was oblivious for weeks, months even.
Until I came to the conclusion that,
Intractable people strike a nerve in me.

It builds and it builds,
Until one day their presence is a nuisance.
Then I explode.

It's an irony when you've kept your jaw clenched,
For the entirety of your friendship and then suddenly you explode.
And no longer have any regard for caring or feelings.

If change were to never exist,
I'd be in a better place, and most importantly-
My heart wouldn't feel this way.