Diwali or Deepawali as we know is the festival of lights that brings joy and happiness in our lives.
But this year this was not the case with Tara. From the morning she was preparing chakli which was her favourite snack of Diwali but unlike every year her heart was not filled with joy. This year was her first Diwali at her in-laws' house. Again and again, she was getting lost in the memories of her previous home.
In her school days, she had waited eagerly for Diwali vacation when she would get to eat chakli, gujjiya, poha, sev, and many other Diwali snacks and visit her cousins. She was always near the kitchen when her mother used to prepare the snacks and would try to sneak out some freshly prepared snacks. In some rare events, she had succeeded in sneaking them out of the kitchen without her mother's knowledge or one can say her mother had ignored it.
Drawing rangoli was a thing which she had wistfully watched every time when her mother and sister had drawn it in front of the front door. Each day they would draw a design bigger than the previous day. She had guarded each rangoli every day like a sentinel. She had fought with every child who had tried to spoil or change even a dot of the rangoli. And if she had come to know of anyone changing it even a little bit then she had given that kid a sound thrashing.
She used to help her father put the star-shaped Diwali lantern in the balcony. It was the maximum light decoration they did. She adored the shops of firecrackers. She had always wanted to purchase all the firecrackers available in the shops of the city. But her father could not afford more than five to six firecrackers which she would share with her sister and cousin happily. Her most loved firecracker was the toy gun which she used to clean days before Diwali. Her father had bought a neon coloured gun when she was five. She and her sister had played at many Diwalis with the same old rusted gun acting as police and goon. This was the only firecracker which she was allowed to at any time of the day on the five day festival of Diwali and was allowed to carry to her cousin's house. Other crackers like Anar (flower pot/fountains), Chakri (ground spinner), sparklers and small bombs (sounding crackers) were kept away from her saying she would burn herself and she was only allowed to watch it from a few feet away when anyone lit them. She had envied her sister who was four years older than her because she was allowed to light them but Tara was not. She regretted being the youngest child in her family only during Diwali when crackers were burned. All the other times she had used her being the youngest child excuse very well to get more than what her sister was getting.
Diwali was also the occasion when her family used to buy new clothes for her and her sister. Her mother and father used to be content with what old clothes they had saying, "We had just worn these clothes once." Even though they had worn those clothes many a time.
On the eve of Diwali, she with her sister complied with her mother's directions of placing diyas in the room. She also kept an eye on each diya for oil. As soon as she would see the oil level fall even the slightest, she would rush to her mother to inform her about the same. In her colony, the boys used to prepare a fort with mud as a tribute to Shivaji. They used to put dummies to mimic the court of Shivaji. It used to take weeks for the boys to prepare this fort. But once it was ready, it used to be a marvellous piece of art. The boys used to tell stories about Shivaji. It was also one of the reasons why she loved Diwali.
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The part she hated about Diwali was that it just came once in a year and only for five days. She had wished for Diwali to at least come two or three times a year so that she could eat her favourite snacks and also visit her cousins and play with them. The worst part was after Diwali when school used to reopen and within one week she had to give her semester exams. Throughout the vacation, she was made to study for the exams instead of playing with other kids of her age throughout the day. Only evening time was her respite, all the other times she either used to study for the exam or do assignments.
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This cycle of Diwali celebration had continued for many years with slight modification like she being allowed to make rangoli with her sister, light crackers of her choice, help her mother prepare snacks, and put up the light decoration - Diwali lantern, LEDs and others. When she was fifteen, she stopped purchasing firecrackers even though they were in a better position to purchase more of them and her parents would not have stopped her from bursting all her favourite crackers. But once she had made up her mind, it was very hard or nearly impossible to change it. Even without bursting crackers, her joy of Diwali never faded a bit.
Time has a tendency to change. The Diwali after her sister got married was never the same as the ones she had for the past twenty years. There was everything - snacks, rangoli, lights, and new dresses but the only thing she longed for was her sister. She had helped her mother prepare the snacks and clean the house. This time it was her sole responsibility to make the rangoli which she had wanted to do since she was a little girl but today she wished for her sister to be there with her to make the rangoli. She had lit the diyas which illuminated the whole house but the darkness deep within her heart didn't fade a bit. It remained there reminding her of the absence of her sister. But when she saw her sister happy in her new life, she made peace with her absence. She recalled all the happy moments she had spent with her when they were little kids, their fight for which rangoli to be drawn on the day of Diwali and also their accusations on who ate the last sweet when their mother asked them.
With passing years she had treasured the memory of Diwali in her heart. Last year during Diwali celebrations, a family friend had suggested to her family about Mrityunjay, her husband. Her family liked the proposal and contacted his family immediately. Soon both the families met and liked each other. Tara and Mrityunjay also liked each other and with their acceptance, the wedding dates were fixed. It seems like it had happened yesterday but it has been four months since she got married. Each day after her wedding was like a sweet dream. He had been the man she had always dreamt about. He had loved her with his whole heart and she too had loved him back equally. But just before Diwali he had to go to another city because of a business meeting with foreign clients and would not return for Diwali.
This Diwali she was with strangers. Her family was not around her, even Mrityunjay was not there with her. His family had loved her like a daughter but she still missed her parents. At her new home, Mrityunjay's elder brother Rajveer had done the light decoration. Tara and her mother-in-law had cleaned the house and prepared the snacks. She had insisted on making the rangoli after she finished preparing the snacks as sitting in her room idle was just bringing back more and more memories of her childhood with more intensity.
Her longing for Mrityunjay grew more each time she saw Mrityunjay's elder brother and his wife, Naina together. Naina was heavily pregnant and was advised bed rest. Rajveer was taking good care of her, doing her every bidding and kissing her at every chance he got alone with Naina. Naina had shared her first Diwali memories as daughter-in-law with Tara. How Rajveer had gifted her a ring and she was given the opportunity to perform the Laxmi Puja with Rajveer. Tara wished that if Mrityunjay would have been here they would have performed their first Diwali Puja together but thanks to the meeting he was not. She didn't want anything more than Mrityunjay to be here with her.
