The Believers by TheEmpress, Chapter 4 - Iran
Author Question: Something I've had a few comments on in my book is voice: i.e. keeping a consistent voice, especially in first person narrative. I'd therefore be really interested to hear you guys explore this issue: how, as writers, do we make the best of voice without it being overbearing? How, especially in first person, can we make an advantage of what the protagonist doesn't know (that the author does) and really work with an unreliable narrator? Do we have to drop all our best metaphors/favourite words if our protagonist is (say) a fifteen year old boy (sob)? That sort of goes beyond my 'writing problem' but I think it's a really cool one to explore, especially for adult fic. I've noticed in my teen fic books (also perhaps as they are third person limited) people don't always tend to pick up the 'unreliable narrator' moments, and assume the narrative (and thus the protagonist) holds the objective truth: surely this is something we can better work with in adult fic?
Adultfic Suggestion:
Last question first: I'm not a specialist for YA but quite honestly for me there's no big difference between YA, NA or A as far as unreliable narrators are concerned. I did a bit of googling and unreliable narrators get used a LOT in YA.
Having an unreliable narrator adds an additional twist. Usually the reader has to work out that the narrator is not to be trusted and WHY this is the case. And how it will reflect on the plot. If readers miss this point then either, they are too trusting or the author doesn't make it clear enough. Or not early enough. That is always a challenge.
Personally, I like unreliable narrators who are reasonably obvious from the start so that the reader can actually join the author in having the full picture (not quite obviously) and egg on the narrator. Works particularly well for mysteries.
Your chapter: Having read your chapter I'm at loss as to why anybody would see inconsistencies. If there are any, they are owed to your narrator who is very obviously severely damaged. The voice is jerky, drifting between visuals, thoughts, dialogue and makes for a disturbing read. But that to my mind is exactly the intention and I would like to congratulate you for delving so deep into a fractured mind and showing it in such an expert fashion. The disturbance, the inconsistencies come from deep within the narrator and you maintain that projection VERY consistently all throughout the chapter.
In fact, I had a quick peek at other chapters and found the same consistent characterisation. You have created a unique and consistent voice of inconsistency. That to my mind is quite an achievement.
Overbearing? Yes it is hard to take but how do you want to tone down such a character? I think the issue with the comments you received here is not owed to flaws in your writing but the flaws in the character you so flawlessly present.
You have chosen a broken individual as your narrator and it shows. Now, one might not want to read that. But that is about reading preferences. That's what it boils down to - subjectivity.
So, I would say you do not have an issue with voice, it's consistent and very well rendered. And yes, disturbing which is exactly what I believe this is meant to be.
How can we make advantage of what the protagonist doesn't know?
Well, we can use it to create suspense, I do exactly that in one of my novels. The reader, from a certain point onwards, knows more than the protagonist, as they put the dots together. The reader is not personally affected and is not in denial, which my protagonist is. The readers then think they have the full picture. Which they don't, only the evil author has. And from that one can create suspense - by playing with expectations.
At some point the narrator catches up with the reader, who at that point realises that they don't know it all. In my case that kicks off act three and the race to the climax. So, suspense and plot twists would be my answer.
But I would like to throw this open to the others - any comments?
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