This is my life, I don't eat. I have learned to say no to food. The past two years, I've grown stronger and better.. I now know how to get out of eating. With these simple words, " I already ate, I'm not hungry, my stomach hurts." I panic when someone offers me food.. food=fat. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE food, I'm just scared to eat. My mind tells me it's bad, I will become fat if I eat too much. I never look in the mirror after I eat, I never feel my sides after I eat. After I eat I avoid people. What if they notice how fat I am? Don't worry, I'll tell them I'm bloated from just eating. I regret putting food in my mouth every time. I stay up night after night planning my meals, making sure I don't eat anything over 500 cals. I would just freak if I did. The thing is part of it has nothing to do with getting fat. Most of it has to do with the number on the scale.. watching the number go down every time I step on the scale is the greatest but yet scariest feeling. It gives me a rush. Also, seeing my bones pop out makes me happy. There's this little voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm winning, that I can do this.
"One more pound, you can do it."
Until that pound becomes another.. pound after pound and it's still not good enough. That little part of me will never be satisfied. That's scary as hell. And I know one day, eventually I'll have to give it up but right now I just can't. It's helping me cope with everything else bad in my life. It's the only thing I can rely on.
YOU ARE READING
Journey Of A Starving Girl
Teen FictionJourney of a starving Girl is about my journey living with a eating disorder. I try to cope with the everyday struggles and still try and to be a normal teenager. My parents find out and it doesn't go over to well.. I hope you follow along with me t...
