Bitter Sweet Melodies (girlxgirl)

Chapter 13

Ivy knew everything that had happened between us and it wasn’t a surprise that she was trying to help us get along.

“Well, don't let me keep you. If Angie wanted to spend some time with Jordan, you should get going,” Ivy told Taylor.

“Come on, Angie,” I said and picked her up in my arms.

“Kiss Grandma Ivy goodbye.” I leaned Angie over to Ivy and she gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Good girl,” I said as Angie wrapped her arms around my neck. After a moment, I bid the Walkers goodbye and walked out with Angie, knowing Taylor would catch up.

“Why don't you come over anymore?” Angie asked when we were out of the hospital room and I had no idea how to respond. “Don't you like us anymore?”

I quickly shook my head at the question and said softly. “I still like you. I like you a lot. It's just hard.” How could I explain such a complex situation to a four year old girl?

“What's hard?” Angie asked.

“When you like someone too much and you want to be with them but you can't, that's hard,” I said, hoping the little girl understood.

“You want to be with me and my mommy?”

I nodded and kissed her cheek. “Yes, I want to be with you both very much.”

“I want you to be with us too.”

If a child could understand the power of words, Angie would have seen how touched I was to hear her say that. I hugged her, with the intense unconditional love I had always felt for her and kissed her forehead right before Taylor joined us.

“Let's go to the park.”

I nodded at Angie's request as Taylor got on the passenger seat of the jeep and took Angie from me so that I could drive.

“Will we still go to your house?” Angie asked when I drove out of parking.

“Do you still want to go to my house?” I asked her.

She jovially nodded. There was nothing that I could deny her. It didn’t matter what she wanted, I knew I would go to the ends of the earth to search for it. That was how much I loved Angie.

We got to the park in fifteen minutes and the whole ride there, neither Taylor or I spoke a word to each other. It was when we were both seated watching Angie play with the rest of the kids in the park that the silence became too awkward.

“Jay-Jay,” Taylor said.

My heart ached when she said my name, but I tried not to show it.

“I don't like the way things are between us,” Taylor said.

“What do you want from me, Taylor?” I asked, honestly curious to learn her answer.

“I want us to be friends.”

The word made me want to laugh. “Friends?” I asked as I got to my feet.

“I know it's going to be hard, but can't we try?”

I had never been just friends with Taylor. It had always been more and it had been easier that way because we had been in love, just like we still were.

“I don't want you as my friend, Taylor. I don't want to be around you if I can't be with you.”

Taylor tried to get closer to me but I moved away from her.

“I'm a married woman, Jordan. I have a child with my husband.”

The reminder only stung more. That she legally belonged to someone else, how long would I continue to delude myself with the notion of her being mine again? “You're not happy with him.”