Cuddle Application

18 - Questioning Sexy Bois Everywhere

I think back through my day. We'd arrived only this morning - a fact that shocks me. Park, the kiss, Oliver, the kiss. I suddenly feel awful. It didn't feel wrong in the moment - kissing Oliver - it had actually felt all too right. But now, looking into my best friend's face, I see the hurt and the betrayal there.

I swallow. I owe him a response.

"After."

I don't know which answer would've been worse for him to hear, but the way his face cracks makes me want to give up all the seventeen years I've lived.

"Park, I'm sorry-"

He spins around, face newly composed and blank, except for the slight sheen to his eyes. "I love you."

My heart stops, chest tight. Years of denial tumble into my lap, screaming at me to notice them.

"I've been in love with you," he says, "since we were in middle school, and I never knew how to say it."

Cora had said as much this morning. She'd pointed out how noticeable it was to everyone except for me - but I did notice. I knew how he felt I just refused to believe it. How could I possibly accept a fact that would ruin one of my favorite relationships? Becoming something more with Park meant ending a lifelong friendship, and the thought of a life without him - one where we got together and I messed up, and we broke up - threatened to shatter me.

Park steps close enough that our toes touch, our bare feet cold on the slabs of concrete. "I didn't think I deserved you," he says. "I didn't think anyone did - and then you got with Josh, and you were so unhappy. And all I wanted to do was fix it, to make it better, but I knew you'd never listen to me if I told you to end it." He takes a deep breath, stepping back. "I knew you'd never choose me over him."

It's too much. Information floods my brain and my lungs feel like they're being crushed. My breathing quickens.

"Park, that's not true," I say, putting my hand on his arm. He shrugs away my touch immediately and it feels like a hundred slaps in the face.

Why does it feel like I'm losing him?

"Park, we're best friends."

He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. It's a sad and angry smile. "Just best friends?" He asks, a soft hurt underlying his words. "Did you ever feel anything more?"

I stop. I'd never even considered his feelings for me until earlier that day, when he kissed me for the first time. My mouth opens to speak, but I realize I have nothing to say. I don't know.

"Skylar, you deserve someone who shines as brightly as you do - someone who has only your best intention at heart. Not someone like Oliver."

I don't know if he's saying this because of something Oliver truly did or because he's just jealous. A dark emotion teases me, and I begin to doubt this conversation. Park was upset about my kiss with Oliver - which I didn't blame him for. I try to imagine myself in Park's shoes, kissing someone I love and having them turn around and kiss someone else. My heart hurts, it feels so awful to think of.

Oh, Skylar, what have you done?

He was hurt. He was jealous. But would that really make him lie to me? Make him make up something about Oliver to ruin our relationship?

Please don't be lying, Park. Please don't lie to me.

"I deserve someone like you?" I whisper, stepping towards him to close the distance between us. My body feels like it's breaking - I have to fix this. I need my friend. "Is that why you're saying all this? You want me to choose you?"