I'm going to tell you about my weight. It started in grade 8 when I stopped being an extremely fussy eater and ate normally. I just started gaining weight and my parents had no explanation so they took me to a dietitian. She put me on a diet and I did that and I was losing very slowly and very little so she gave me a booster plan of protein only and I gained again. After 6 months with this dietician, my parents said she wasn't good enough so I went to a new one who put me on a new diet and gave me lots of pills. She said I needed to do DNA tastings. Those came back and said I have high impact genes for weight gain and I will always crave sweet things etc etc. I still gained no matter what I did. I always exercised and ate strictly but nothing worked. After a while my parents gave up on her and tried personal training. So a new diet and new exercise routine. But I was so tired of not being able to eat normally I'd occasionally cheat which meant I gained again. So I have a trash metabolism basically. We then started on an injection which was meant to help me lose, and it did. I was losing 1kg every 2 weeks but all of a sudden it stopped and I started gaining again. So we stopped for a while, but I didn't lost or gain. Then my parents took me to the Nuyu place I was st for a while which seemed to work until I lost the plot at pops and since then I've lussed my weight which has driven my parents off the edge. But to me I can't give a fuck anymore. My mom likes to think I ignore her and my fat because I brush her off. But she fucking haunts me. Sometimes I think if I lose the weight I won't be anything because all she ever sees is fat. I got fucking 84% last term and all they comment on is I gained weight. I'm too scared to go out to eat, because if I finish a meal I'm scared I'll get judged. I hate sleeping over at friends, because I have to get changed. I hate the beach, because everyone around me is in a costume. I never went out because I was too scared I couldn't pull off a hot outfit because of the tire round my middle. I never pulled before because I was too scared if I did he might put his hand up my shirt and feel repulsed. I broke up with Ben because I was scared he would do it first because I'm fat. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and cry and that's why I put on make up. I only like high waisted jeans because I can pull them over my tummy. I hate the summer uniform because my buttons pop from my boobs. I hate the winter uniform without a jersey because the skirt sits funny on me. I've taken a pair of scissors to my stomach and attempted to cut it off. I change my hair every now and then so no one looks lower. I hate dieting because everyone looks at me sideways because I eat funny. I don't want to order an ice cream when we go out even though I really want it because everyone comments on a fat person with an ice cream. I don't like photos of me at the piano, because I hunch over and look massive. I don't like photos when I'm not in make up because I have a double chin. I hate people tickling me because I'm scared they'll feel the fat. I hate people hugging for too long for the same reason. I wear low cut shirts to distract myself even. I really really don't like the way I look but I have no will power to change it because I know that it will never work.
