Something Wonderful - Sanvers

Ch. 1 - Last Sight

I rewrote parts of this chapter and edited it some and I'm going to try and finish that with the chapters I have so far before I add another chapter, but I swear it's coming. It's been a long time, BUT IT'S COMING.

She didn't know if she was feeling too much or nothing at all. With every passing second, a million thoughts flew through Alex's head making her fall deeper and deeper. Yet, every breath felt empty, like she was just a hollowed out shell of herself.

I don't deserve to cry. People are going through way worse and they aren't crying. Why do I deserve these tears? The the thought ran through her mind on a loop. She was never one to cry, but tonight she couldn't not cry.

She couldn't help but get mad for letting herself become weak. She was supposed to be strong, and she'd only brought these tears upon herself. She didn't feel like she deserved to cry, as though tears were an award of some kind. She forced the tears back to the point of feeling physical pain. She was stronger than this, or so she told herself.

This wasn't the first time she'd sat alone on the couch at night, battling the urge to replace her beer with a glass of something stronger. Or two. Or five. She spent most nights alone with her thoughts. Normally, she'd drown the thoughts out with Netflix or whatever was on tv, but tonight she couldn't find it within herself to chase them away. These she couldn't shut off.

One thought gnawed away at her, however. Alex hadn't had a best friend since she was in grade school. Sure she had her sister's friends, but she never really felt a part of their group. She always annoyed everyone with her science talk when everyone else just wanted to let loose and talk on mindless subjects. Alex couldn't do that. Her passion for science was the biggest part of her life, so being a professor at National City University was a dream come true. She got to help mold the minds of young people at one of the best colleges in the States. Albeit she wasn't much older than most of the the students she taught, she craved the joy she felt watching them, the same love of science she was familiar with in their eyes. It was the only thing that brought her happiness.

Alex, wanting nothing more than someone to talk to, finally cracked and began to sob into the pillow she was hugging when she began to think about how she didn't deserve a best friend. She had made a lot of casual friends over the years, but none of them made an effort to really get close. She knew she didn't get along well with people, but all she wanted was someone to hug in replacement of her pillow. Someone who wouldn't run when they saw what went on in her head. That's why she refused to let herself ever open up to anyone, even pushing them away when they got too close. She knew it was her own fault that she had no close friends, but it still pained her. It was her deepest wound.

She got up and walked to the kitchen, attempting to control her sobs. She grabbed her bottle of Jack Daniels and headed straight back to the couch, not bothering with a glass of any sort. Once she had her sobs under control, she took a deep breath and chugged. She cringed at the burn, but continued until she was about to puke. She put, almost slammed, the bottle down. Smirking at herself - she already began to feel the edges of her pain dull.

Warm. She felt warm.

After about thirty minutes of laying absentmindedly on the couch staring at the ceiling, the thoughts began to rush back. They all came at once, more intense than before. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Even closing her eyes wouldn't subside the spinning in her head, the thoughts became more unbearable. She sobbed harder and harder into the tear soaked couch cushion until she couldn't take it anymore.

She pushed herself up and wobbled to the bathroom. She didn't bother wiping away the tears that blurred her vision. She flung open the cabinet above her sink, almost too violently. Surveying the contents, her eyes settled upon a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of mild tranquilizers. Grinning, she reached out to grab them. She struggled to open the bottles, but when she did, she poured the contents into her jacket pocket.

She whispered "for the road, " before giggling to herself.

Alex saw the clock read "11:42 pm".

She plodded to the door of her apartment, Jack Daniels in hand, and stumbled into the city. She figured if she was going to go, she wanted to go in the most beautiful place she knew. The city. Her city. The lights that glowed late at night, never settling. It made her feel less alone in her own mind, but at the same time made her feel even more alone. Of all these people, she wondered why none wanted to be her friend. She made her way to the park nearby and walked along the path.

"Goodbye trees," she announced in a melodramatic tone. She waved her hand at the trees. "Goodbye bench," she whispered as she sat down, petting the bench. She was going to miss this bench. It was her thinking bench. Long hours were spent sitting here, whether studying or escaping her sister who visited more often than she enjoyed.

She dug her hand into her pocket and grabbed a handful of pills. No more tears remained in her eyes - she wasn't sad. She was sure with her decision. She, in fact, had never felt happier. The end just in grasp - sweet relief.

She tossed the first handful into her mouth and gagged as she attempted to wash them down with her drink of choice. She realized that was too many pills at once. So, she choked down the pills in her mouth and began to take the pills four at a time until her pocket was empty.

She felt nice. She pushed herself up and decided to walk the path until darkness finally consumed her. The path curved along the outside of the small pond in the center of the park. The moon reflected in the water, the street lights too. A light glow, ominously beautiful. She saw the trees border the field that sat parallel to path, too beautiful to describe in words. She tried her hardest not to bump into people, mostly young couples, hands intertwined. She felt a pang of jealousy seeing them with what she'd never had.

She ended up ditching the pesky, almost empty bottle behind because it was too much work to carry.

She bumped into someone and it took all she had not to just topple over. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Dr. Danvers?" She heard. She still hadn't gotten used to being called 'Dr.' because she had gotten her Doctorate at such a young age. It felt too formal for such a young woman - practically still a girl. She chuckled and met eyes with this woman.

Brown. All she saw was the brown eyes, shining in the dull glow of night. She got lost in the eyes that seemed to hold her captive before realizing that she'd been staring for an unusually long time.

She recognized the girl from class; the girl who was constantly coming into class late. lol

"Yes?" Alex slurred, trying to maintain a teacher-like composer, but failing miserably. However panic began to set in as her knees felt wobbly. She knew within seconds they'd buckle, and they did. She felt like she was sinking but also falling from 100 feet up, but strong arms caught her. The girl carefully helped Alex down to the ground and sat next to her. The girl kept a tight hold on Alex's upper arm. The cold air of late November was no match to the warmth that radiated from their close proximity.

"Hey, are you okay?" the sweet, almost angelic voice asked. Alex wanted to look at her in the eyes, but her vision had began to darken at the edges and she felt herself being pulled into sleep. She smiled at her last sight before she nodded off. She was glad that such a pretty face was the last thing she'd ever see. A soft face, dark brown hair, and matching stunning brown eyes.

//This is my first fanfiction. I hope you enjoy. Comment if you want more and vote if you liked it so I know whether or not to continue writing.