Gay Stuff

Intro of the Author woo

Ok where tf do I even start. So I grow up in a really Christian environment and my mom was always pretty homophobic so that was the only way I knew how to be (btw I'm 15 now and stay with me because my story gets better I promise).

When I was 11 I was first introduced to homosexuality through the wonderful internet and at first the thought that I might be bi slightly crossed the back of my mind, but I pushed it away and tried my best not to think about it for the next two years even though the back of my head was having girl thoughts.

Then, in January 2016, one of my best friends came out to me and two of our mutual friends as bi and I stg I was so homophobic because we were in church and I was trying to be a good Christian and I'm so ashamed that I wasn't the supportive friend I should've been. And she was always so supportive of me and I made her feel like trash and honestly I HATE that I was like that and I've tried to make up for it every day since then.

But anyway, since the December before that, I'd been noticing that one of our mutual friends was really cute and a had a huge crush on her (but I tried so hard to deny it because I was so far in the closet and just tried to label it as a "big craving to be best friends with her and cuddle her and do like everything with her" yeah I was stupid).

By the time April rolled around, my bi best friend and I had had many fights over our beliefs (meanwhile I was being super hypocritical and stalking LGBT accounts on Instagram) and trying to find reasons to convince myself that being gay or trans was WRONG.

But one time my bi and I were Skyping (when she came out I had told her that I "used to think I was bi too" fuck I was so stupid) and the "me thinking I was bi in the past" thing came up and we kinda got to the subject of who I liked (our mutual friend) and I kinda came out to her. Ever since then she has been my greatest and best supporter who was there for me even when I wasn't there for her and honestly, she was the first person to show me true, unconditional love and I so admire her for being that patient with me.

As for my faith in God, it kinda began to fade as I came to accept myself more. Eventually it faded to nothing as I realized my whole faith in God was what made me so hateful in the first place, and I didn't want to be a Christian if it meant I had to always bash people who thought differently than I did. And yes, I know that Christianity is supposed to be loving and accepting, but it was my own "conviction" that led me to be like that. And I also know that there are lots of Christians who actually are loving and accepting and some that actually are LGBTQ+ and I am so happy for them because if religion works for them, then I'm happy for them. It just doesn't work for me.

Now it took time for my mom to become accepting, because at first she really overreacted and mega grounded me and it was really terrible. But I don't really want to go into all that story, so I'm not going to. Just know that my mom loves me no matter what I love her. She may not always be very supportive, but she's not a bad mom and she and I have made our fair share of mistakes.

ANYWAY so other stuff. There is the fact that I've always been attracted to more effeminate guys and have never been attracted to the manly man man masculine jock guys ever. And the one time I actually dated a guy, it was traumatizing and it helped me realize that I'm just not attracted to guys, especially not emotionally or mentally. And now, anytime I see someone cute, it's always someone who was born in a feminine body. Trust me, I don't even like trans guys personalities. (I mean like to date. I like them as friends but not to date.)

Anyway I think my intro biography is done now so enjoy my book of stuff.