Dear Shay,
School is out in 18 days. You would have had 18 days left to graduate. You would have ended your internship in a couple of days. Times like these are when I realize you aren't coming back anytime soon. My life has been spent trying to act like you haven't gone. I keep trying to act like you aren't really gone but you are. Darn coldplay made me cry the other day. Paradise seems like the perfect song to how you left us. How you left me. You were seriously JUST a girl. You expected the world. Seriously you did. I loved talking about that with you. Then it did leave you and you left in your sleep. I guess you did dream of paradise. You believed in heaven so you dreamed of paradise. Life did get heavy and in the night you did close your eyes. I weep like a little baby at that song. I mean I can admit it now but I still can't believe your gone. You had everything pretty much laid out for you and then stress filled your life and it stressed you out so much you made yourself sick. I hate it. I hate that I laugh sometimes and you aren't with me. I hate that I'm thinking about things we wanted together. I hate how every single day I cry for you. I hate how you can't marry anyone. I hate how every single day I'm here breathing, wwhile you aren't. I hate how every single day I speak to all my friends but the one that knew me the most is gone. I hate how your family shut me out. I hate how I have to go to two college graduations and I won't get to see yours. I hate it. Everyday it gets harder to live without you. Every single day I think about you. I haven't stopped greiving. I think of you everyday. I act like it stopped bothering me but it hasn't. I keep hurting. They say with time it will get easier but right now I can't see that happening anytime soon. Even if it did I wouldn't want to forget you EVER. I miss you so darn much. Mother's day is this week and I won't be spending the day with you playing piano and baking cakes. This will be my first mother's day without you. It hurts just to think about it.
Remember how you spoke about learning how to drive and how you would be the one to show me? Well everyone has been trying to get me to drive. I can't. I won't. That was going to be OUR special moment. Speaking about driving. You remember that night? Yeah that night you died for a couple of minutes but your dad saved you? Yeah well incase you forgot when you screamed he ran into your room. He saw how bad you were and asked for the keys. You attempted to get up. I guess to show where they were. Well then you feel. He caught you screamed your name and got no response. You were dead. He start CPR and lucky for all of us he was medically trained. He got you brother to call an ambulence. Anyways that same car they couldn't find keys for, well it hasn't been moved. The small red corolla is still in the driveway. All the other cars have been moved but that one.
If they would have told me you would have gone this year I wouldn't have believed them. I hate everything about the world right now. I'm stuck in a deep hole of grief and anger. Anger towards all those people who COULD have saved your life but did nothing. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I can't stop this pain and anger. I'm sorry I can't accept your gone. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. Shay.
I miss you.
Coldplay: Fix you & Paradise
YOU ARE READING
Letters to My Bestfriend
Non-FictionHere are a series of letters of my every day life with my best friend on the hospital bed fighting for her life. Here you get an insight on what goes on in my head and what happens due to her condition.
