Pre-funeral Eulogies

Chapter one

Kimberly

There is a garden full of graves

Beside the green meadow,

And in it, I stand forgotten

Just another solitary shadow~

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"MOM! MOM! Where are you?"

I came home from school only to find out, that mom and dad had already gone to Hawaii. I looked at Ms.Rose, our housemaid and probably, my only ally right now. She looked as miserable as me.
"I'm sorry, they just packed bags and left. You know how unsentimental they are," she whispered, slowly. I knew.

Since, apparently, I guess the time I started actually understanding things, I realised one thing- my mom and dad were robots. Unfeeling and hard metal. The only time mom ever smiled was on her TV shows. The only time Dad ever talked was at conferences. It always felt as if my family only extended to the walls of our house and my big brother, Cole. Also Hannah, I mean Ms.Rose. School was..well, fake. Fake friends, fake hugs, fake feelings...fake smiles. Just fake, fake, FAKE. But it was easy. Being a beautiful and goddamn rich girl, makes it easy. And being with Andrew Beasley, made it even easier.

My phone suddenly buzzed, indicating the receival of a text. It was from Talon-

Hey, we all going for stargazing tonight. Wanna come? - T

I smiled at the screen and then, at Hannah who stood smiling back.

"Whatever it is, I give you full permission," she said. I knew that she knew that the only really good people from school and the only other family I had were Talon, Hazel and Zach. And the only texts I genuinely smiled at were theirs. Cole never texted, he usually called. 'Using the primary function of a phone'- was the basic Moto of his. Idiot.

"Thanks, Hannah. I love you. Love you so much," I stepped closer to her for a hug. But she stepped back, and grimaced, "...but there are a few conditions." I froze.

"Firstly, no drinking. No smoking and absolutely no breaking curfew. Secondly, you're having dinner at home. Thirdly, call me first hand once you get wherever you're going. Keep your phone location on. And do. Not. Forget. Your. Morales." And then, she smiled, going back to making the pie she was making. "Oh, Han, we're only going stargazing. Not clubbing. Its not a bar. Just a hill and grass and.."

"..and night and just four people and dark," she continued.

"Hey! I'm trying to make a point here! Don't sound like my mom," I whined and pouted. Although, I never really knew how 'moms' sounded like. "Just take care," Hannah whispered, embracing me with her large old bird wings.

"Okay, m- Ms.Rose," I almost said mom.

Once I was upstairs, I texted Talon back-

Hey, man, tonight's on. Just no drinking, smoking, breaking curfew etc..etc. See ya :)

His reply came almost instantly-

Like we ever drink/smoke and about breaking curfew, what's that again? ;) See ya

I couldn't help but laugh. Life was getting better, eh?

Now, I know you must be thinking that I am a poor depressed teen, with mom and dad always away and ignorant and everything but oh well...I guess only the stronger survive, yeah? And I was hella superwoman. But, Ms.Rose and Cole did think I was depressed when my middle school teacher asked me out loud,"What do you wish for from God, Ms.Grace?" And I replied, deadpan,"Death." Poor Mr.Mathew, he almost had a fit. But the truth was, I was never depressed. It was like depression but it wasn't depression. Loss of appetite, disinterest in activities, not going out, staying in bed- that's depression. I was eating well, going out...very much because of friends, always interested in activities (honestly, I attended more clubs at school than anybody ever had), sleeping well, topping the class, unfrustrated, sad unfrequently- that's me. The only off thing was- my heart.

My heart was disinterested as a stone. And so, I thought, what if I die? Like not die kinda die. But like die and come back? I honestly just wanted to see how all these people around me would react. I was just twelve, then, and unlike other twelve-year olds I trusted none. None. Not even Hannah. Or Cole. It was like I always thought that these people would run off, with my heart, if it starts beating. It was scary. Its kinda complicated and for me, it was even more so. But, I survived. My something-like-depression-but-not-depression phase was over, or so I thought. And so everybody thought.

And now, when am seventeen, packing a bag with energybars and water bottles and sleeping bag, I realised I was wrong. The phase was migratory. They always are. And mine seemed to be coming back, as hysteric tears made their way down my cheeks. Me becoming suddenly nostalgic, thinking of a past with my parents that was just a ghost of what could've.

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