How to save a Life (Jalex)

Stay

“Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well, since the last time that we spoke, you said: "Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello””

I thought about leaving Baltimore forever. I thought about moving to some other country and live there. A new beginning. Leaving everything behind. My friends, my family, my fears, my anxiety. I would get the chance to get better and recover. It sounded so perfect and easy but it wasn't. If I left, I wouldn't only leave my family or what's left of it. I wouldn't only leave my band mates and the crew. I would leave my fans. I would leave everyone I like or who likes me and helps me to feel strong enough to pass the day without killing myself.

So I stayed home. To be honest, I hadn't seen the boys in the past week. I hadn't even talked to them on the phone or messaged them. I didn't want to stop our friendship but it was for their well being. I would drag them along in the deep dark hole called depression. They shouldn't fall and so I stopped, leaving a note behind to tell them. I still remember every sentence, every word.

“Dear guys.

I know you will think this is a suicide note but it isn't. It's just a note for you to know that I'll be alive. I try (yes, try. I know I won't be recovered from one second to another) to stay alive. You don't have to worry, just don't look for me. I'll be fine, I want to be alone. Nothing against you but I need some space to think about everything and what I want to do.

Rian. Look after Zack and Jack. They will need you and please. Don't let them do anything they will regret (especially Jack, we both know he is fucking impulsive). It's unfair from me to leave you alone with them but you have Cassadee to look after you and she will. She knows that I'm gone and also knows where I'll be, but don't ask her. She'll tell you if I don't call her once a week. But let her live, she is the most responsible one and I know she won't let you go after me (she has you in her hand, you can't deny it Ri.)

Zack. I do know I am your friend and I know I mean a lot to you. You'll have a hard time to deal with it but the training will help you. I know, it helped you so many times. Stay fucking awesome and if Jack gets on your nerves, just hit him, he'll shut up.

Jack. God, this will be the hardest part to write. You are my best friend.. No something like a brother to me. I love you. I really really do, pinky promise. But I can't deal with it at Baltimore with you around. It sounds mean and I don't want it to but.. Fuck it. Just promise me to go to Rian or Zack when you have problems. They will help you like they would have helped me if I had told them. Please, don't make the same mistakes as I. Open yourself up to anyone. I don't want you to be as suicidal as I am. Jack, stay awesome, please. For me, your best friend.

Stay together for Alex (bad parody of Stay Together for the Kids...)

In Love

Alex

PS: If you'll ever see me on the streets, let me alone. Don't come to me and say hello. I'll come back when I'm ready to come.”

Rian P.O.V

I hate Alex for leaving us alone. Leaving us behind just because he is too stubborn to talk or open up a little. But I understood his reasons. Even if I hated the fact that Jack is still here.

Nobody knew about Jack's feelings for Alex, except me. I knew everything about everyone in this band. Jack spilled out after a concert where they had kissed because of the fans who shouted “Jalex, kiss!” or something like that. He broke down in my arms and told me he loved him since high school. And since I know.. I notice. I notice the looks. I notice the sadness in his eyes after every stage kiss. I notice the hurt when Alex makes one of his jokes. Jack would love to have sex with him but Alex didn't notice once.

But Alex loved Jack, too. I think he doesn't even realize that himself but he does. Only Jack could light him up and make him laugh. Alex always went to him when he wanted to talk, only when Jack hadn't had time he went to me. He didn't trust anyone as much as Jack. And then the looks he'd send to Jack. Pure love.

Neither me or Zack are homophobic and we would love to see Alex really happy again and Jack.. Yeah, Jack is sad, too. When they would get together they would help each other through their pain. But Alex is too blind or too stubborn to open his eyes and his heart and realize his feelings.

We all had a hard time. We hardly saw Zack, he would spend most of his time in the gym and work on himself. Jack hadn't left his apartment for two days and now I stayed at his, just to make sure he'd eat and drink and do everything necessary to stay alive.

And I? I hadn't talked to Cassadee since she gave us the note. At first because I was angry that she wouldn't tell us about Alex whereabouts. Then because he told her and not one of us where he was. I was fucking jealous. But I understood. He wanted his time alone, and we had accepted it, even if it hurt. He needed us but we needed him, too.

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Hey my awesome cookies (I like cookies, I mean who doesn't? :O)

Song: Stay by Mayday Parade

Happy homo Sunday! I know, nobody will know but it's just the first Sunday of every month where me and my best friends will come together and talk and watch movies and do many many things ;)

Ugh, I actually don't like this chapter but yeah. I'll try to upload ASAP but I won't promise anything.

See you guys :D