Born for Anarchism (On Hold)

Chapter Fourteen:

Alice's POV:

"Are you ready to tell me why you've been acting the way you have for the last few months, boy?" I asked Jax as we sat at the end of his bed. He leaned over, his elbows on his knees and his fingers interlaced. "What I'm going to tell you, does not leave this room, understand?" he stated in a low voice. "Aye, I understand. Just tell me what's going on, Jax." he let his breath out, then turned his face to mine and said, "I know who killed Donna." I felt my eyes grow wide, and my mouth slowly open in astonishment. I didn't know what to say, I don't think I could have said anything if I tried. So, I sat there, staring at him in complete shock. "It was Tig, he and Clay planned it, thinking Op was a rat. But, they didn't know Op took the car that night to take the kids home, while Donna took the truck to go to the store. Tig shot Donna by mistake. I've confronted Clay about it a few times, he threatened to kill me if I ever brought it up again. That fight Tig and I got into a while back, was because of all this. I can't trust anyone, not even my own step father." he finished, his face showing signs of anguish and distress.

"Is that what's been going on between you and Clay? And that comment that you made when he said you were responsible for the murder of a wife when Luann died, that was about Donna?" he nodded yes, but said nothing. "Does anyone else know?" "Piney." "How did Piney find out?" "He and I both figured it out after he held Laroy at gunpoint at the Niners bar. There was just no way they did it after what they told us." "Why didn't you tell me, Jax? I thought these last few months, we'd gotten to the point where we could trust each other." he turned his head to look at me, I could see the turmoil he'd put himself through, knowing this and not being able to do a damn thing about it. "Alice, I trust you with my own life. But, this isn't something I could just tell you." "And why not?" "I just couldn't." "What did you think I would do, go on a killing spree? Jax, I love Op and I adored Donna, but I never would have done anything about it if you didn't want me to. That, is what trust is about. Trusting that you can tell me, and knowing that I'll keep it between the two of us." I pointed out before I took his left hand into my right. "Well, I'm trusting you now." "Only because I made you." I stated. "Touche." he replied with a slight smile.

A few hours later...

"There's something else I haven't told you, and I doubt you're going to like it." Jax said to me while we both laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling, our legs hanging over the edge. We had changed into comfortable clothes and continued to talk, we both knew there was really no reason to go to bed at this point. I looked over at him, furrowing my brow. "What do you mean you doubt I'll like it, how much worse can it get?" he wouldn't look at me, just kept his eyes on the ceiling. "I'm thinking of going Nomad." I quickly sat up and looked down at him. "What, why? Because of all this?" I questioned. "Because I can't trust anyone anymore, Alice." He explained, still not looking at me. I stood up, pretty upset by what he'd said. "You can trust me! Isn't that what we've been talking about this whole time?" he finally sat up and met my eyes. "Alice, I need to do this." "Why? Why do you need to do this? Because you don't agree with how Clay runs shit? What about your promise to Piney? That can't happen if you're not here. If you go Nomad, you'll be an open target to everyone, Jax. You'll be alone. Is that what you truly want, to be alone?" I exclaimed right before I knocked over his desk chair with my foot. He quickly stood up and took me by the shoulders. "If I stay, it's just going to get worse between Clay and I. That helps no one. I can't stay knowing what I know. I'm doing this, because it's what's best for everyone. " "Best for everyone? No, Jax, running from your problems, isn't best for anyone, but yourself! This club needs you, it needs you to make things better, make things right! WE, need you! I, need you!" I shouted out before I could stop myself.

My hand flew to my mouth, trying to hide the shock of what I'd just said out loud. "What did you say?" he asked in almost a whisper. "Nothing. I-I didn't mean it like that, boy." I stammered, trying to correct myself as I cast my eyes to the floor, avoiding any eye contact with him. "No, explain to me what you just said." he demanded, still holding on to my shoulders. "I-I simply meant we need you here. If you go Nomad, you have no say in the decisions that get made for the club. We need your level headed alternatives." I replied meekly, still keeping my eyes to the floor. "Alice, I trusted you, and told you something I haven't even told Tara. Now be honest with me, what do you mean by, you need me?" he asked softly. I finally looked up and met his blue eyes with my green ones. "I need you to stay, Jax. You're the only man besides my father, that I can trust. I've told you things that I've NEVER told anyone else. If you go Nomad, I have no one else besides my da, that I can talk to. I need you. You're the only friend I have, boy." I reasoned, trying my hardest not to show any emotion. He was the only one I couldn't seem to hide that from.

"I have to, Alice." "Then I go with you." he opened his mouth to say something, but my statement had stunned him completely. "If you go Nomad, I go Nomad." "No, you can't. What about your dad?" "My da will support me, like he always does. He may not like it, but I know he would." Jax's hands slid up my shoulders to my neck and rested under my jaw. "Alice, you can't do this." "I can do what I please, Jax." I declared, my eyes locked on his. His wandered my face, searching for any sign of uncertainty. "You can't stop me." I established, my voice barely above a whisper. I watched all the different emotions flash across his face, fear, frustration, concern and something else I couldn't pinpoint. We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, finally he spoke. "Alice?" "Yes, Jax?" "Would you stop me if I kissed you?" my eyes widened with surprise, and he smiled at my reaction. "I'm going to ask you again, Alice. Would you stop me if I kissed you?" I took a deep breath, trying to fill my burning lungs with air after holding my breath unknowingly. He stood there waiting for my response, his hands just below my jaw, almost cradling my face. "No, I would not stop you, boy." "Good, because I'm going to."