The Coño Boy 1 & 2: Love What You Will

Chapter Seventy-Five: The Fine Line Between Love and a Waste of Time

[Author's Note: Please play the song later when you see the lyrics. You'll appreciate it, for sure.]

If there's one thing na natutunan ko from my family, is that you can never show any sign of being affected by anything that life throws your way. You should always look like nothing can shake or break you; and keeping up appearances is part of the game. In times of crisis, si Papa always wears white shirts na sobrang crisp ng hitsura. He always looks his best when there's some political alingasngas whether as a local government official or kahit now na nasa provincial capitol na siya.  You would know if something's up pag naka-white long sleeved shirt na siya na halos hindi mo makitaan ng gusot. It's something daw na my late Lolo Javier taught him.

*Ang problema, hindi ako marunong mag-iron ng ganitong shirt and wala si Manang Thelma. I could not find her in the house. So ang ending, gusot-mayaman na nga yung fabric ng short-sleeved polo ko, mas gusot pa because I can't make plancha!*

I have to pull this off because I can't afford to cut class anymore; and being absent will really look bad. I mean, if I look the part and play the part and make it look like parang wala lang yung photo, siguro naman that could deflect all that social media attention I have been getting. In less than 24 hours, yung twitter account ko na tinutubuan na ng digital cobwebs —because I'm not that active there anyway— experienced an increase in the number of followers.

It started out as mentions on Twitter, then the followers started gaining numbers; but the most surprising of all were these direct messages from accounts na when I checked were all pseudo accounts na puro abs or shots ng armpits or ng crotch lang naman ang pinapakita sa profile pics nila and lots of videos about their sexcapades. I put two and two together as my curiosity got the better of me last night—because I could not sleep; and they led me to that corner of cyberspace these people tweet as the "alter world". For the past two days, that photo of Joaquin and me has been circulating in this so-called alter world with the hashtag #RelationshipGoalsBeks with manufactured sentimentality that goes "Get you a guy that can do this" or
"Someday, hindi na natin kailangan magtago sa likod ng pagiging alter" or
"Hindi lahat ng relasyong M2M sex ang puhunan".

*The fvck is the matter with these people? May sarili pa talaga silang world? Sorry, I have only stumbled upon yang mundo nilang yan kagabi, and I can't help but feel very afraid and just scandalized. Afraid dahil halos yung ilang alter people that messaged me were soliciting me for sex. Haven't these people heard of HIV or AIDS? It looks to me like some of them even have unprotected sex as they participate in threesomes or orgies at may videos pa! Akala ko si Phantom of the Opera lang ang nagma-mask, sila din pala in one of the orgy vids I saw posted on Twitter. I'm not being a hypocrite here, I enjoy sex —like hello you guys know that pretty well— but that was just too much for me to take.*

I was more scandalized with what I saw on Twitter rather than yung photo namin ni Joaquin sa Sociedad magazine.

And sana naman yung mga followers na na-gain ko sina LA Aguinaldo or Vince Vandorpe or even Patrik Franksson man lang —

*Halata ba yung taste ko in guys?*

I'd even settle for a retweet from Kevin Geniston —Okay, I'm rambling. But seriously, there's even some guy who passes himself as a "barako daddy" or something of that sort that picks up guy students in uniform and does stuff with them in the car while driving.

*May I use the 2016 millennial term #Shookt at this juncture with much gravitas?*

But it wasn't all that bad if you consider someone saying "At least nag-trending silang hindi naka-hubad or may sex scandal video." Because I don't even know to survive that if ever such a thing happens to me.