bucky barnes - secret lovers

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summary: bucky barnes x male!reader
request by MARVEL_ARMY
*suuupppeeerrrr late im so sorry love
* also: song of the chapter that helped motivate/inspire me: "leave your lover" - echos  (even though it really has nothing to do with the plot of this haha)
•••

Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him. There he was, messy brown hair and beat up Chuck Taylors, a white collared shirt leaning casually against the red brick wall of the old department store.

James Barnes always had this effect on you. He made your heart beat like a drum. You couldn't help yourself.

You tug on your shirt sleeves nervously, and when looks up and catches you gazing at him, he grins.

You blush and keep walking down the street, mentally cursing yourself for practically staring at the guy. It must be pretty obvious that you had a thing for guys like James Barnes, even with how hard you tried to keep yourself under the radar; because two boys weren't supposed to fall in love, not in 1938, and not in Brooklyn, New York.

Perhaps you mistook a simple grin for flirty, but, God, did he do it ever so often. Every time you happened to catch eyes with James, there it was, that beautifully sly grin with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

And boy, did he have an affect on you. You melted at his gaze, knees weak, stomach full of butterflies - you were completely infatuated with him.

You and James have been best friends for as long as you can remember. You always did everything together as kids.

"Hey, (y/l/n)!" The voice made you freeze in your tracks. "Where're ya headed?"

"I- um, nowhere in particular," You scratch the back of your neck, turning to face him.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" James asks, walking closer to you.

"No, nothing." You reply, a smile creeping onto your lips.

"Wanna get a drink?" James offers, mischief in his eyes.

"Yeah, sure, sounds good!" You answer.

"Alright, I'll see you then!"

You thought about that moment for the rest of the day. James Barnes; he was your best friend, and you were falling for him like a hopeless romantic out of a novel.

You used to talk yourself out of your feelings for him, but they never went away. They only got stronger and stronger - your heart was so full for this boy.

But of course, you never said a word about your feelings for him. Who knows how he'd react?! You definitely didn't want to destroy your friendship by being the guy who fell in love in a one-way-relationship.

James Barnes tore your heart to pieces, filling it with joy at the same time. You wanted to say something so badly. Maybe tonight was your chance.

As evening settled, you stepped out of your apartment and started on your way to the bar. You and Bucky were both 21 and legal to drink, and you both took advantage of it.

You catch sight of the boy waiting outside the bar. He greets you with a smile and you enter the bar together.

James orders the drinks and you sit together at your favorite booth in the back. The place brought back memories, like the time when you had first turned legal age and James dragged you to the bar, young and excited. The two of you passed out in his apartment, waking up the next day on the couch.

Even with pounding headaches that morning, you both managed to make each other laugh. You held onto that memory very dearly.

The drinks arrive and James happily clinks his glass against yours.

This was the moment you were waiting for all day. When you were together - drinking or not - those were the times you loved most. The world around you seemed to fade out and it was just the two of you.

Your drinks were soon empty, and two more were ordered. The cycle repeated throughout the night.

Through the drunken chatter and swing music, all you could focus on was James. The way his blue eyes glinted in the dim golden lights, how he grinned and laughed with you, and how his lips were wet and probably tasted like alcohol..

You were leaning in, and through the dim haze, you felt James leaning in too. Your heart was pounding in your ears, the world was spinning in slow motion - but nothing happened.

You looked at James and he looked right back at you, merely inches apart, before you were both sinking back into the former position. James dropped his gaze and stared at his half empty glass instead.

You remember cupping your hands around your glass, glancing at James, who was looking at you with an unknown expression. It was content.. perplexed even.. maybe fascinated, maybe a little sad.

And then the two of you were walking - stumbling more often than not - down the dim lamp-lit streets of Brooklyn, in cool night air that felt sweet and fresh to your lungs. You felt a warm hand slip drunkenly into yours, warm, calloused fingers curling into your own; a loose, comforting grip that led you along the sidewalk.

  James lived in the apartment building a few blocks away.  You knew the way by heart, but held onto his hand as if you were lost.

You were leaning closely into James' side by the time the two of you stopped at his door, hands carefully intertwined.

  James led the way into the little apartment, fumbling for the lamp light.  He didn't find it however, and squeezing your hand, kept moving forward.

  You figured you'd crash on the couch like usual, but James didn't let go of your hand.  He led you up the stairs and into his bedroom.

  You both stumbled up the stairs with drunk, unsure footing.  You held onto each other, arms around waist and shoulders for support. 

  When the two of you reach the bedroom, you turn to face each other.  You were both confused, drunk, and content at the same time.  James' face was outlined spectacularly in the moonlight streaming from the window, you noted.  His jaw was sharp and smooth all at once, his lips were plump, his eyes had shadows over them, but they were staring right into yours.

  You realized you were leaning in again, but somehow, so was James, and neither of you were stopping.

  You felt James' lips on yours, his hands blindly reaching for your waist and pulling you close to his body.  You melted at his touch, slowly kissing him as butterflies erupted in your stomach. 

  You pull away abruptly, staring at the boy, your very best friend.. who you just kissed. 

  James giggled.  He kissed your mouth softly once again, before pulling you to his bed.

  James pulled back the covers and the two of you crawled in after stripping out of your clothes.  It was as if you did this every day. 

  You face each other, legs touching under the sheets.  James rests his head on his outstretched arm, watching you with glazed eyes.

  "Whatcha thinkin' about?"  He murmurs, reaching out to push a loose strand of hair out of your face. 

  Neither of you have a filter when it comes to being drunk.  You just said the first thing that came to mind.

"I was just kinda hoping you'd... y'know, fall in love with me."

  James smiles at you.  "I already have, Darling."

•••
yay update! 
hope you liked it (MARVEL_ARMY )!!!  I enjoyed writing it when I actually got the time to write it!

sorry for the wait!
more coming soon!

-katie xo

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