My Temporary Ever After

ISA

(Question #2/90: Ganon na ba ako ka ganda na pati cancer attracted sa akin?)

I

White walls. Antiseptic could be breathed from the air. The smell of sickness and sorrow is pretty much palpable. Soft whimpers and sobs could be heard in every hall I pass. I sighed. Mabilis akong naglakad and then entered the elevator hurriedly dahil isasara na sana nila ang pintuan eh mabuti na lang pinindot ulit ng elevator guy.

I loath this place. I don't hate death; I just hate people who waste their time on this retched asylum when they could just enjoy their lives instead. Not the people who are here because of accidents, mind you. What I mean is, yung mga taong hindi pa naman mamamatay pero kung makaasta ay parang huling hininga na nila.

The elevator pinged pero bago pa ako makalabas, kumindat pa yung elevator guy sa akin. I internally cringed and pretended I didn't see that.

Nandito ako ngayon sa ospital para kunin ang results sa check-up ko kaninang umaga. Mabuti nalang ay nagpresentana si Chrisha na mag-OT, kung hindi eh wala talagang tao yung boutique. As always, ako na naman mag-isa. Busy na naman ang mga parents ko sa mga negosyo nila. In my 24 years of existence, ngayon lang ulit ako nakapunta sa ospital. Five years ago didn't really count. What happened five years ago? Well, that's another story.

"Miss Alonzo?" she smiled from her cubicle. "Dr. Miller is waiting for you." sabi ng nurse pagdating ko in front of my doctor's office.

"Oh, okay. Sige, papasok na ako. Salamat." I smiled back and slowly went inside his office.

"Ezra, mabuti naman nakarating ka na." magiliw na saad ni Tito Jude pagkakita niya sa akin. Family friend namin si Doctor Miller, kaya parang pamilya na rin ang turing ko sa kanya. "Nasaan nga pala sina Oli at Tomas? I think they should hear the news that I am going to tell you." dagdag nito. Biglang naging malungkot ang demeanor niya.

"Don't worry Tito, ako na po ang magsasabi sa kanila."

"Are you sure? Ezra, dear, your case is quite serious. Your parents should be here. Did you tell them about your check-up?" I shook my head.

I know. Kaya nga di ko sila pinapunta dito. Baka ano pa ang sabihin ng mga 'yon.

"Yes tito, I'm sure. Ako na po ang magsasabi sa kanila." kind eyes regarded me with worry. Ganon na ba talaga ako kalala? Mamatay na ba talaga ako?

"I really think you should reconsider this. Dear, alam ko namang-"

"Tito, I am sure about this. Please, sabihin niyo na lang po sa akin." I cut him off.

"I don't know how to say this to you iha, parang anak na kasi kita." his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. Yumuko siya at sinabing, "You have pancreatic cancer. I'm afraid it's quite late na. I don't know kung may pag-asa pang mapagaling ang situation mo. The survival rate after surgery is only 25- 30 %. At madalas pagkatapos ng operasyon ay bumabalik pa ang cancer 85 % of the time." he removed his glasses and sighed. "Bakit ngayon ka lang nagpacheck-up iha? Sana naman pumunta ka na noon pa sa akin. Bakit hindi mo man lang ako pinuntahan?" I can see the disappointment and hurt mula sa mga mata niya.

I remembered when I was a kid, Tito Jude was always so sweet to me. Wala kasi siyang anak kaya sa akin palagi napupunta ang regalo niya. Mula sapatos hanggang suklay. Too bad I'm not really into those things before. Ngayon ko lang na appreciate nang magkatrabaho na ako. He was more of a father to me than my very own. My parents spend too much time traveling because of business that they don't even know who I am anymore. At ngayon, mamamatay na ako, hindi pa rin nila ako kilala.

"Ezra?" mahinang tanong ni Tito Jude. "Okay ka lang? I know it's hard to take in. I'm so sorry-"

"Tito Jude, ilang months na lang po akong mabubuhay? O baka naman weeks na lang?" tanong ko.

"W- what? Iha, alam mo ba ang tinatanong mo sa akin? Alam mo ba kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga salita mo?" Shock was evident on his face. Hindi siguro niya inaasahang tanggap ko nang mamatay na ako.

"How long will I still live Tito? Ilang days na lang po akong mabubuhay? Don't worry po, tanggap ko nang mamatay na ako." I smiled at him.

I would have found his horrified expression funny if it wasn't my death we were talking about.

"M-more of less five months iha. Six if you are lucky. B-bakit parang wala lang sayo? Ezra, hindi ka ba natatakot na matatapos na ang buhay mo? You are too young to die, iha. I should blame my self you know, I should have known. What kind of doctor am I?" His voice craked yet again.

Hay nako.

"Hoy Mr. Mustache! Hahaha." biro ko sa kanya with the nickname I always call him when I was a kid. "Ngumiti nga kayo. Di kayo bagay umiyak. Di ba po dapat ako nga ang umiiyak? Ako kaya ang mamamatay. Don't blame yourself. Ok lang po." I stood up then went around his table ang hugged him. He smelled of antiseptic and alcohol. Yuck. I hate how they smell like sickness and death.

Death. Haha.

"Iha, how can you be so calm?" he smiled a little na. Hay nako, salamat naman.

"I find myself lucky nga eh. Yung iba, mamatay nga sila pero hindi naman nila alam kung kailan. They get robbed off the opportunity to do the things the could have done. While ako, I could do everything I need to do before I die. O diba, Tama na po ang pagda-drama niyo Tito." I smiled at him again and went back to my seat.

"If you put it that way, I guess you have a point. Pero iha,-"

"Tama na nga po! I don't want anymore drama. It's just death Tito. You shouldn't fear it. It's inevitable. And you are never too young to die." I try to sound positive for him. Yes, I know na tanggap ko na. Pero kung kaharap mo ang taong nagmahal sayo ng lubos simula noong bata ka pa, hindi mo talaga mapipigilang maging malungkot lalo na kung ramdam mo ang lungkot nila.

"O sige po, aalis na ako." ngumingiti kong sabi. Lalabas na sana ako ng pintuan pero tinawag niya ako.

"Ezra dear, hindi mo ba dadalhin ang results mo?" tanong ni Tito Jude.

"For what pa Tito? I came here just to know until when I have to live. Now that I do, I don't need those damn results to remind me of my disease. I just want to start living my life before I die. Sige po, alis na ako." I kissed his cheek then went outside his office.

Well, one down, 150 days to go.

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