Entry 2

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September 13,  3:36 a.m.

The nightmares have started again. Every night I close my eyes and return to that night. I return to the screaming, and the blood. Oh god, the blood. It was everywhere, and I can't get the feeling of someone else's life dripping off of my hands out of my mind. It won't leave me, none of it will leave me. I remember every detail from that night. I remember it turning from a joke, into jealousy, into murder. I remember Milo's face as he bled out. I remember Gabriella screaming, and Jake panicking and covering her mouth. I remember the smell of blood, and the panic that followed. I remember my heartbeat pounding in my ears as Milo's stopped beating altogether. I remember Savannah staring at his body for hours while Jake tried to bring us all to our senses. It seemed he was the only one who could think that night. I remember numbly following his lead, and committing multiple felonies that night. I remember the night like it was yesterday, fresher even in my mind than yesterday is. I remember the smells and the sounds and the feelings and every night I close my eyes and return to it all. I return to the smell of earth as we buried the body, and the sobs coming from Gabriella the whole time. I return to Milo's last words, "I'm sorry." I return to his last breath and his final sob. I return to my own crime scene just to watch it all unfold again. I wake up screaming every night. I'm scared that if I fall asleep I'll go back to that place, to that time, again and again. It never seems to get better, it never seems to stop.

- Cass

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