Clean Slate » a.i. au

Seventeen

hello if anyone is still reading this

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         I still can't stop thinking about his words. The scene is still, very vividly, playing in my head as I prepare breakfast; me, in the exact same spot as I am now, him behind me, telling me that he's more than probably going on tour and he wants me to come with him.

         But most importantly, he wants us to be married by then.

         And a number of other things, but I'm just concentrated on that last bit. Everything about us is dysfunctional in every way possible, and a pair of rings on our fingers wouldn't solve it – but I can't help thinking, if we weren't so fucked up as individuals, we would've gotten to this point under normal circumstances anyway. So maybe this is-

         "Morning." I almost drop the knife from my hand, the voice behind me startling me. Before I can process it any further I turn around, realizing I've made a mistake even before my head is completely facing the person.

         Riley. Once again, Riley.

         "Morning," I smile meekly at him, before getting back to slicing the tomato in front of me. Although, I did notice a surprised look on his face when he saw mine. Maybe he didn't even have it figured out that it was me when he spoke, and maybe he would now be going where he planned to instead of approaching me-

         Jesus Christ, I can't wait to go home. This 'bonfire thing with friends' isn't turning out to be such a good idea.

         "Hi, Lucy," he greets me again, having me a million times more uncomfortable and nervous than I was five seconds earlier. "What's up?"

         "Not much," I'm pretty proud of how normal my voice sounds, especially having him so close to me and all. "You? Sleep well?"

         "Mhm."

         "That's nice."

         I can still feel him beside me, quite possibly less than a meter separating us. "Want something to- eat?" I'm almost cut off as he places his hand on the counter, just about four of five inches from mine, to lean against it. His actions are still not quite problematic, but it doesn't stop a lump from forming in my throat and a nauseous feeling setting in my stomach.

         "Sure," He almost sighs, activating a red flag in my head as he places his other hand on my back. Alright, I just have to stay calm. I don't need anyone that might see us assuming anything by just looking at us and realizing that I'm behaving weirdly. "What do you have to offer?"

         "Well, we ate most of the food yesterday, so- whoa," I take a step to my right as I feel his whole body against the left side of my body. Okay, at this point, I wouldn't mind someone seeing us and coming to get me out of here. "Why don't- why don't you just sit down, you don't have to-"

         "Lucy, for crying out loud," he interrupts me, the fond and kind of pitiful look he's giving me not helping the sickness in my stomach at all. "You know, I'm not gonna be around forever. You have to tell him sometime."

         What I've come to notice the past few weeks through his behavior and what Ashton had told me, is that he just might not be doing this out of spite. He doesn't have a hatred for Ashton, he's not approaching me and talking to me like this so he'd piss him off- I think he truly, sincerely believes that I'm faking my amnesia.

         But not because my act isn't good enough or anything of that sort – he's still truly, sincerely waiting for anything my dumb ass talked to him about to come true.